Blinking away the blinding light, you find yourself in the foyer of a grand library. Several beings of various shapes and forms are milling about the nearby shelves and tables, each attending to their business. You are approached by a bi-pedal insectoid with 6 arms. You stand frozen in fear before it pulls a small pamphlet from… somewhere, before walking off. You take a look at the paper you were handed…
From the office of the Wanderers' Library chief medical officer: Dr. Norine Ray
Welcome, Wanderer! If you’re reading this, it’s safe to assume you’re a new arrival to the Library. You might be a bit confused why the medical team has bothered to write up an entire pamphlet if this is meant to be a safe place. Violence may not be tolerated, but that's not to say you won't befall any unfortunate circumstances. Worry not! We have a team of top-notch professionals to tend to any ailments you may acquire in your stay here. But why visit a doctor's office if you can avoid getting sick in the first place? That’s why we’re here to help you navigate your way through the world of multiversal medicine. Below you’ll find a list of the most common afflictions wanderers have faced during their visits as well as some of their treatments…
Alphabet Amoebas:
Have you ever been staring at a page of your favorite book just for the words to begin to blur together? Perhaps you’ve had to re-read a paragraph multiple times before you understood the meaning or remember what you just read? If this has happened to you, it may be due to something more than a tired mind! These microscopic terrors tend to dwell on the surfaces of commonly read books and tomes, and are absorbed through the skin of patrons who come in contact with them. The confusion they cause is a result of the amoebas emitting a psychic pulse interfering with one's comprehensive abilities regarding written language. As the brain tries to compensate for the confusion by firing off more electrical signals through the nervous system, the Alphabet Amoebas take the opportunity to convert the charge into a form of nutrition.
The Alphabet Amoeba is a species common across many planes of reality and is commonly found in libraries or other places of learning. Thankfully their common appearances have led to extensive studies and treatment options. A sufficiently loud sound is the most common treatment, as it breaks the amoebas cell walls, killing them. So plug-in those earbuds and get those tunes pumping! Just be sure to not disturb your fellow patron if you feel treatment is needed. Be warned that the signs are often easy to ignore, and thus treatment can be delayed. But prolonged exposure can cause permanent cognitive impairment.
Leg Rust:
Finding a comfy place to get some quality reading done after a long day can feel like a dream come true. But if you find yourself having trouble getting up, it may be something more than a desirable spot. Leg Rust is the common phrase used to refer to the rust-brown, mucus-like substance secreted by furniture mimics( or on very rare occasions found as a naturally occurring phenomenon on older fixtures in the library). Often presenting as numbness in the limbs( some patrons have described this feeling as ‘ pins and needles’), Leg Rust is only noticeable once it enters its end stages of solidification. This sticky substance, when applied to the inner bend of joints such as legs or wings, can greatly limit mobility making the victim an easy target. Unfortunately, Leg Rust is responsible for the disappearance of more than a few unaware patrons.
Thankfully, Leg Rust takes a long time to form, often requiring several hours to thicken to any substantially dangerous viscosity. So before sitting down, be sure to check your seat. We cant recommend you try to harm any of the local wildlife, but a quick wipe down of your futon is more than appreciated. A clean library is a happy library after all! Keeping those extremities covered is a quick way to prevent a case of Leg Rust, as most fabrics interfere with the solidifying process. Removing the filth is as easy as wiping it away with warm, salinated water or relying on heat to bake the 'rust' to a hardened form and peeling the crust away.
Paper Cuts:
We’ve all had them. They’re small, sting like hell, and are a general nuisance.
So you may be thinking “ Dr. Ray, why are you bringing up such a mundane injury?” Because, my dear reader, this is far from a mundane place! Due to the nature of some of the reading material here, be they magical, cursed, or otherwise beyond simple paper, a cut can lead to some rather serious injuries.
From reading a book on fire magic and lighting your finger ablaze to enjoying a story on space and the intricacies of interplanar travel only to cut off your pinky and leave it stranded in another dimension, we’ve seen some pretty crazy incidents over the centuries caused by paper cuts.
We have bandaids to cover those physical injuries but please, take your time to read your books. Sometimes being a speed reader can be a speedy way to an injury.
Dreamchaser Syndrome:
It's easy to get lost in thought sometimes, isn't it? To have the mind wander to places beyond our reach. But have you considered what might happen if you couldn't find your way back? Common among those with strong psychic abilities and magically inclined patrons, Dreamchaser Syndrome is the term used to refer to a soul that has detached from its still-living body. No one is quite sure why this happens, but many have theorized the cause is linked to a strong disconnect between the actions of the patient's body and their thoughts. The body continues to function as normal, albeit in a dazed and unresponsive manner. Curiously, the souls of the afflicted are often unaware of any change, simply going about their business they were attending to a moment before. For an outside viewer, it can be quite a shock to see!
If the spirit is still near the body, simply alerting them to the situation should suffice. The soul can re-enter its host body without complications. In other cases, intense physical pain or similar stimulation may provide enough of a jolt to drag the soul back into the body from long distances. Though this procedure should preferably be done by a medical professional, so ask your nearest Page to guide you to one of our numerous offices! Patrons of the spectral persuasion should stay alert and focused on their current activity. As coming down with a case of Dreamchaser Syndrome can often lead to fatal consequences due to the nature of the conscience separation without a physical body.
*On the chance a soul does not return to its body in an orderly fashion, a 72-hour waiting period will be observed. After which, the still-living body may be used as a surrogate body for other lost souls. If you wish to opt your body out of this procedure, please fill out the appropriate form at the front desk. Bodies of patrons who opt out will be handled with respect and buried with due diligence.
Voilá! You’re now that much more prepared to enjoy you time in the Library. We do hope you keep yourself and others safe in your time here. This pamphlet was just a general notice, so be sure to look out for other first aid guides as you enter different sections of the library! Each section has its own unique troubles to look out for, and specific guides that cover them. So with our help- you’ll be just fine.
Happy Reading!
*This pamphlet is for general instruction only. The Wanderers’ Library takes no official responsibility for any disease, natural illness, or similar sickness a patron may contract in their stay here. Please consult your healthcare provider if you have any questions about the contents of this guide or schedule an appointment with one of our physicians today.
There's no use standing around. It has to be here somewhere. Might as well start looking.