Brief Moment
rating: +3+x




Fear, anger, regret.

They define me, they surround me, they've eaten all that I am and left nothing behind

I drown in misery, and I drown in pain, I drown in everyone who's ever hurt me, and the ways I'd like to hurt them

Hurt them, until they bleed

Hurt them, until they cry

Hurt them, until they die

But I can't hurt them, so I hurt myself instead

I hurt, until I bleed, until I cry, until I can't hurt anymore, and I hope that the pain will fix me

Fix me, becase I'm broken, shattered like glass

Fix me, because the medicine won't

Fix me, because I can't do this anymore

Fixx me

Fixxxxx me

FIXXXXX ME!

I hurt, and I hope, and I hurt again, because I do not know how to do anything else

I hope, and I hurt, and I hope again, because life is a sick game, and I can not be granted resolve

The resolve, to give up, or to fix me myself





And I wonder what will Papá and Mamá think, looking down at me from heaven, with the angels and the divines

And all the kids that did their homework

Wanting to see their kid being succesful in life, and looking at whatever fucking mess I've he's become

Fuck them, fuck me, fuck everyone who looks at me weird when I flip off the sky in the middle of the street

The moon assaults the sky once again, but I know better than to wallow in bed this time, believe it or not, there are better places to do so

Then the music blasts my ears off, and I find myself reconsidering that last statement

So I dance my thoughts off to the beats of fury, I dance, surrounded by apathy, surrounded by hundreds of individuals desperately trying to feel alive

And the alcohol stops burning the throat

And the needles stop stinging

But as the lines go up my nose and my soul, I find that it is still as satisfying as it's ever been

It takes some time, but I eventually find someone, like I always do, and his their hands eventually find themselves all over me

And they feel my scars, the same scars that if they saw in broad daylight, they would cringe, or act disturbed, but in the moment, it's like it doesn't even matter

Nothing really does





And I cross the Way, because I'm what's next to hungover, and today's my day off anyway

(At least I think it is)

And the fake Sun shines down at me, and it hurts my FUCKING eyes, holy shit, what a bitch

And my throat hurts, and so does my jaw, a miracle he didn't break it, honestly

And a Librarian gives me the ugly eye, because I'm a scarred mf wearing pajamas and smoking in the middle of a Garden

The Garden.

I give it the ugly eye right back, and that seems to make it fuck off

So I grin and sit down on a bench, I take a couple more puffs of the cig and I look at the grass, and the trees, I look at the flowers, species that probably aren't even in my world turning around to greet me

I look at the Fountain, and the endless amount of water pouring down from it

And I sigh

Because my nails are stained of nicotine, and there are bags under my eyes, and my fur is unkempt, and I have a fucking killer migraine and everything fucking hurts, okay?

But for a moment, with the not-the-Sun shining down on the grass, it makes everything glow, like a big field of gold extending out into the horizon

For a moment, everything feels okay

I look down at the cigarrette and I click my tongue

I extinguish it, against the green metal bars of the bench.

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