Conversing with an Argratian Swamp
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Transcription of a dialog with the Third Great Swamp of Etun, Kingdom of Fire, Lemuria

Tornok Aquor, Apprentice Nature-Speaker: I have come to communicate with the Swamp as representative of the Kingdom of Mystery's College-City of Yolag. I come in peace, offering gifts of of fertilizer, meat, and non-alcoholic spirits. May I speak to the great Swamp?

Third Great Swamp of Etun: I reckon you can.1

Aquor: Your accent… I do not recognize it, I apologize.

Etun: I reckon you wouldn't. Ya see, it ain't a Lemurian one; I weren't born here.

Aquor: You weren't born here?

Etun: Ayup.

Aquor: So, where were you born?

Etun: I was born in Argrat.

Aquor: Agrat? I have heard of the land, but I have never been there. How did you come to Lemuria?

Etun: Quit it with your fancy talk. We're just normal folks here, no need to say everythin' so… well-educated.

Aquor: The College-City of Yolag requires that I address you formally, oh great Swamp.

Etun: Fair enough. Ya want some Nectar?

Aquor: No thank you. Tell me, this… you seem rather noxious for a Swamp. Is there any reason?

Etun: Noxious? What does that mean?

Aquor: It means you have a peculiar… odor about you. Also, several of the animals inhabiting this place seem deformed. Why is that?

Etun: I don't know nothing. Ask my mother. Or my sister.2

Aquor: Your… mother?

Etun: Or my sister. Same thing, really.

Aquor:…you mean to say that your mother is also your sister.

Etun: And my daughter, too! And my husband. Damn fine husband she is.

Aquor: How… how in the Eight Kingdoms is that even possible?

Etun: I reckon it's pretty normal in Argrat to have your family be one person. I'm the daughter of my grandfather's niece, who is also my grandmother and son.

Aquor: …I… cannot comprehend this.

Etun: It's simple! I am my own daughter!

Aquor: But you said your daughter was your wife.

Etun: Husband. She is also my mother, my sister, my grandfather, my grandmother, my niece, my nephew, my cousin, my wife, and… myself.

Aquor:…so you're saying that you're related to yourself.

Etun: Yup.

Aquor: T'fossa'q!3.

Shortly following this, Tornok Aquor returned to the College-City of Yolag, and compiled a report stating that "The Study of Sapient Swamps is a waste of time, and should be carried out by the Kingdom of Fire, who have much experience with wasting time."

In response, Charog Etoi of the Temple-City of Redip, Kingdom of Fire, stated that the Kingdom "would gladly take over this work; it would be far too much to ask the denizens of the Kingdom of Mystery, who live in swamps, to in addition study them."

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