Stuck

Summary:

Short meta mystery using the ocean as symbolism.

Stuck

stop1010 12 Apr 2020 00:46

http://wanderers-sandbox.wikidot.com/stop1010

Ninth tab (Stuck). I tried to set up a meta/mystery sorta thing. Also, it's for prompt #2 of the Wanderer's Depths contest.

Last edited on 12 Apr 2020 00:47 by stop1010 Show more

re-re-review in the house !

Avelon21 12 Apr 2020 01:43

seagulls, it had it all.

Change the comma to an em dash (—)

I did not care about the destination nor when I would've gotten there, but that it's somewhere other than here.

Change the comma to a semi-colon, and change the second part of the sentence to "I only wished for somewhere other than here". You could also break this into two sentences if you want to add more detail.

I weighed the possibility that this is your fault.

This was my fault.

This is really cut short, and I'm assuming you want help.

so like, this is like judgement, um yeah?

I like where this can go. Look at those last five paragraphs, one sentence each. I think that if you really expanded each of those paragraphs into carefully placed details to imbue emotion into the reader, you'll have yourself a gem.

I am not sure how the meta thing will work—can you explain? You can also chat with me on Discord, as I know you are there.