So a few things from me:
Remove the ‘do’ from the second and third sentences
“When-you-get tired…”
“When-you-discover…”
Flows better that way
The metal becomes part of the body, becoming part of it- unneeded repetition here.
As for the actual story:
There are numerous spelling and grammar issues that would need to be addressed. You should also work on your sentence structure. Having paragraphs instead of 1-2 line blocks would help organize things. Don't be afraid to give details for your story. What you have now feels like an outline. A soldier discovers secret->decides he can't keep secret anymore-> winds up dead. Just adding more detail such as The actual discovery/ recovery of the anomalous material, a detailed description of these changed soldiers and the narrator's interactions with them, what the narrator actually did to try and help them that got him shot, etc.
I'd say this idea should be flushed out more before advancing to the posting stage. So keep working on it, you'll get there eventually