Crit request: Age of Atticus

Crit request: Age of Atticus

destinysday 26 Jul 2021 03:06

http://wanderers-sandbox.wikidot.com/destinysday

Under the Age of Atticus tab. Meant to be a simple story of an ancient, self delusioned evil creature wandering the library, who comes across 2 children. Instead of killing them, he sates his boredom by telling them stories of his past.

This is the first draft, so I'm mostly looking for thoughts on what I can do to improve the flow of the story, details I may want to consider adding, etc

Re: Crit request: Age of Atticus

rumetzen 26 Jul 2021 09:23

It's an alright start, but I feel like it could use a lot of work before posting.

The beginning strikes me as weak. I think the descriptions of Atticus and his accomplishments could be more detailed and vivid. Right now it comes across as just telling the reader over and over that he's scary and dangerous.

The kids don't really feel like they're talking or acting like children, and in general don't have much character to them. The interaction feels very one-sided and like there's a lot more room for all parties to be developed.

Overall the story feels like it just kind of meanders a bit. It doesn't really have a strong narrative arc- something happens, but the resolution of it doesn't really grab me and it feels like there's very little tension, and the pacing is odd. It feels more like a fragment that a fully realized story.

Re: Crit request: Age of Atticus

destinysday 27 Jul 2021 00:45

Yeah, this is still a very early draft so more work has yet to be done. Just wasn't sure where I should really take the story outside of the general idea I had. I don't have much info for the character of Atticus outside of him being an ancient evil and trickster who on some level wants to make some connections with others. So I wasn't sure what kind of adventures Atticus should detail as I don't want to ruin the author's expectations of their character. And the kids are mostly just there to give Atticus someone to tell the story to, so I may rework that whole plot point outright. But I agree more details to the interactions and stories are needed, so I'll definitely keep this in mind as I go back to work on it. Thanks for the feedback