Hello! I was hoping I could get some advice in regards to a potental entry for the current prompt! It can be found here under the tab "Current Prompt Work" http://wanderers-sandbox.wikidot.com/tesrec-s-corner . Thank you for your time!
ye gads i just love your free verse, tesrec…
In all seriousness, you really do a great job of conveying a depth of emotion in a very brief piece. My only concern is that some people may think it is too short, but I'd upvote as is.
It's too sh- yeah.
I am not a poetry person at all, so take everything I say with a grain of salt. I would like to see some more specificity in the piece. Like, it's just got the vague outlines of some sort of story-within-a-story (triumphs, tragedies, etc.) but there's nothing to really make the addressee stand out. I get that (I think) you were going for "feeling of reading a story," but I think that this could be made much better (and it's already pretty good) by adding stuff, even the barest hints of stuff.