right out of their beds. One of them smashed right into the man beside me and despite wearing full plate armor, he was on the ground."
Overuse of the word 'right' (spice it up!) / comma after 'and': man beside me and, despite wearing full plate armor, he was on the ground.
I took a moment, picturing the scene to myself, "It must have been quite a shock", were the most coherent words I could muster.
That should actually be a period after 'myself'. (I also mess this up pretty constantly.)
"Oh surely, but it weren't the beasts we were afraid of you see?
Wasn't the beasts
It's well known now about General Noran's reputation,
I'd consider changing to //General Noran's infamy [infamy works better because he is later cited as 'ruthless'] is quite well known now, //
but he only demanded one thing from us; Courage and strength. Ok, two things I suppose, but they go hand-in-hand.
Should be a colon, not a semicolon. Correct spelling is 'Okay'. I would consider shaving this, turning it into something straightforward: he only ever demanded from us what the people demanded of him: courage and strength.
The gruff old campaign-man drooped his head, his eyes fixed on the empty mug below. Something like a sorrowful expression filled them.
Is the 'Them' referring to a group? If it's referring to the campaign-man, I'd use 'he' instead.
"Is he really dead though?", I prodded.
Extra comma.
"You ever fight sonny?", was the question as the mug found his lips.
Extra comma.
"I…well, no not really. I was drafted and trained of course, but we never saw battle." It always feels
Should actually have a comma to end that quotation. (as a rule, when the character ends a quotation and words continue in the paragraph, it'll be a comma.)
Most of us did, between the enemies, the rhinos, and our own general, I had never been in a more dangerous battle.
Period after did. Most of us did. Between the enemies, the rhinos, and our own general, I had never seen a more dangerous battle.
I mean being impaled, or even tortured only goes so far.
comma after tortured.
"But you want to hear about Noran, well I'll tell you what happened, by God I'll never stop seeing it.
Alakazam that fist comma into a period (after Nolan), and re-appear it after 'well'. I'd also add an 'and' after 'happened,'
most of the soldiers ran when the stampede started, nearly all of the Alterian knights.
add an 'and' after 'started,' if the soldiers in question isn't referring to the knights. add a semicolon in place of the comma after 'started' if it is.
There were hardly any left to fight, and most of them on horseback, still Noran would not have his men turn tail.
a 'were' after 'them'
'Your enemies lie before you! Turn your back and it shall be I!'.
Seems flat. something more like Your enemies lie before you! Turn your back and I shall be one of them!
It was no idle threat of course, he killed two men with one swipe of his great sword, one of them almost cut in half.
I would restructure it to be It was no idle threat of course: he nearly cut two of his men in half.
