Hiya. So I'm workin on an actual narrative story in my Scripts of Ora world, and surprise surprise its probably gonna be pretty damn long. At the moment, I'm not sure how I'm gonna post it. Don't know if I'm gonna do like chapters or something or just post one real long ass thing. Regardless, I've written to a point where I am comfortable stopping for a little bit and I think it would probably be a good idea to get crit on this section now, as crit on obscenely long works isn't fun. I supposed I should give a CW for violence, like some serious violence.
General grammar crit is appreciated as always, but I'd really like to improve my dialogue, so any help on that front would be sick. Any other problems you find are also appreciated.
I suppose you might want to read the previous Scripts things, but I don't think its strictly necessary. Some name drops won't make sense, but those aren't like uber important. But https://wanderers-library.wikidot.com/salvation-rests-at-the-river-s-edge this is the first of the Scripts pages, if you want to go the extra mile.
http://wanderers-sandbox.wikidot.com/doctor-pann Anywho, here's my sandbox. It is the first collapsible under the 'Scripts of Ora' tab. Like 5400 words atm.