Date: 11 Feb 2013 04:19
Number of posts: 2
RSS: New posts
As much as the "Opal, Onyx and Golden" cities sound like they're from a piece of young-adult fiction or Zelda era game, and as much as I dislike the vagueness or absence of description about this world in places ("To try to describe it here would be futile", "When the sun rose we were alive. That's all that matters" and the general lack of description about why the Onyx road is so difficult to stay on), I like this. Your descriptions of the Ahntem, while a bit conventional, are interesting, and the world-building is charming, if a bit unclear.
Also, I'm not sure if the "Jacobi" in "brought in front of Jacobi for my verdict" is an error or just an honourific of some kind.