The Dead Thing / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page The Dead Thing.

(account deleted) 02 Apr 2013 00:27

I'm not much of a poetry person in general, and this fails arouse any particular interest.

Vivax 02 Apr 2013 02:51

We talked in chat and I don't think the thing you were trying to convey works here.

Pixeltasim 02 Apr 2013 15:27

Not voting because it has potential, but I am not really seeing the point here.

Bunton 02 Apr 2013 17:10

The combination of the use of free verse and the lack of any substantial subject matter that I can see makes this seem a bit… trivial. I'll echo the thought that this isn't at all provocative. Sorry.

Vivax 04 Apr 2013 02:26

I'm going to downvote this because I don't know if I made myself clear earlier. I don't like this because I know you can do better and this poem isn't terribly strong.

Pixeltasim 13 Apr 2013 11:43

This is a thousand times better, I find myself really liking this. +1

Bunton 16 Apr 2013 19:00

It's much, much better after the rewrite, and frankly, quite powerful.

Crow-Cat 04 Jul 2020 17:27

I read this as a rap song but I still enjoyed it. +1

rumetzen 04 Jul 2020 17:37

I wrote it while listening to a lot of rap and definitely used the cadences of it to set the meter!