A draft for my first story here in the library, Emerson's Eye. Located on my sandbox (http://wanderers-sandbox.wikidot.com/todd-ingram-s-sandbox), I've put it through a few cycles on the mibbit chat, and have made some techincal changes. Any feedback would be much appreciated!
I use ChatZilla.
Your draft looks good though. Could use clearer distinction, but otherwise I agree with what the others have said.
I added some more references to the noise in the beginning, at the behest of some nice people.
Could you give me a few examples of distinction you'd like to see? You can put them in a collapsible if there's a lot.
I still like it, my comments from chat still stand: very interesting overall, and a very good first article. Well done.
Out of curiousity: which Book will you be posting this to (if not the Archives)?
Looking at the Tag Guide, Song of the Dry Sea looks like a good fit if it seems like a book story. It was written with the Archives in mind, though, and the fact that it references the library indirectly serves for that as well.