in discussion Per Page Discussion / Per page discussions » Sadly Human
I wish to see what continent is this kingdom on?
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in discussion Per Page Discussion / Per page discussions » Sadly Human
Hi, you can call me Jazavik, Jaz, Nathan(My first name), or anything else that I know refers to me. I've been a lurker on this site and the main SCP site for a number of years, but I never really tried to join. But now, I decided to be a little more socially active and was allowed in. I do a bit of writing, but I'm no expert. I like a lot of the themes that inspired the SCP and Wanderer's Library site, such as cosmic horror. If you need anything message me. I like to try to keep my submissions just for me to edit, but I'm open to collaboration if that topic ever comes up.
I just wrote this on a whim, nothing ambitious. I understand that there are some flaws, such as using the word "did" too much, as in "Down the rows I did see". First post, but no need to hold back criticism.
Hi! My name is Rain, but I'd prefer to be called Fitzy while I'm here, please. I found this site through the Foundation wiki and I liked it, so I decided to join. I've mostly just been lurking around both, but maybe when the semester's over I can get over my writer's block enough to contribute something. I'm super into sci-fi, fantasy, Lovecraft, and all sorts of nerd things, so pm me if you want to talk about geek things!
in discussion Per Page Discussion / Per page discussions » Choose your situation
I removed your mailform, as that sends all things entered into it to admin of the board when used. Further, using any unsecured form on a website is usually a pretty good way to invite spammage.
"WELL FOUNDATION. YOU MADE IT SO EASY. SO VERY VERY EASY." - dimensionpotato
I chose smoke as the final sample as I couldn’t think of any better scent to symbolise death.
I mean… incense/embalming substances, hospital antiseptic, funeral home flowers, etc.? When I imagine smoke scents I think campfire, barbecue, maybe even cologne. Probably not death.
I imagine that he’s dying of smoke inhalation whilst asleep at home (perhaps having started a fire by leaving an oven or something like that, due to an implied memory condition).
I didn't pick up on that at all. It seems like a bit far of a logic jump to make from the dream to the real-life scenario, for me, especially with the "guy apparently inadvertently started a fire, and now he's dying" exact scenario.
I could either drop the smoke aspect entirely and just have him smelling the mysterious sample and suddenly coming to the realisation that he’s dying
I mean… I probably would have set it up as the guy thinking, "wow, it smells like a florist shop. Or a funeral home." and then the perfumer just shrugs and says something like, "well, someone left some flowers on the bedside table" and let the reader put the pieces together.
Is there a guide that you’d recommend which deals with this aspect?
I don't we have any guides on characterization specifically (if we do, I'm not aware of it) for tales/prose, but for something like this I recommend thinking up small details about the guy that makes him different from the average person. The portion with the kid remembering the butterflies and his mother was excellent—it's distinct, and something unique to the character. The paragraph starting with "He smelled many smells that afternoon, with each" is a little more bland until the last memory. I recommend splitting that paragraph up into two, maybe three paragraphs, and going into a little more detail with the associated memories leading up to the diagnosis/tarmac bit. More than just "this was the smell of this", go into "this was the smell of the memory of this". Maybe even describe those specific smells too. Guy's sniffing perfume, might as well give the readers more description than just "sweet" and "surgical" and the like.
Would you be happy to read through my draft after a rewrite, to check whether my changes actually improve the article?
It's sweet and short, so I don't see why not!
Thanks so much Zyn.
The ending was intended to imply that the experience was analogous to his life flashing before his eyes at the moment of death, and him understanding/coming to terms with that fact right at the end as the perfumer holds his hand. I chose smoke as the final sample as I couldn’t think of any better scent to symbolise death. I imagine that he’s dying of smoke inhalation whilst asleep at home (perhaps having started a fire by leaving an oven or something like that, due to an implied memory condition).
Do you think that’s suitable, and, if so, could you suggest any changes to convey it better?
I could either drop the smoke aspect entirely and just have him smelling the mysterious sample and suddenly coming to the realisation that he’s dying, or I could make it more evident that there’s a fire, perhaps him feeling heat or hearing the crackling of flames. There might be a better way to handle it. I’m not sure. Originally I tried to foreshadow it with a log fire in the perfumer’s hearth, but I found it muddled things, so I took that out.
The repetition in ‘smelled many smells’ was intentional; The action is repeated, plus I like how it sounds, and it leads into the further repetition with ‘workmen working’ and ‘churning, spreading, churning, spreading’. I’ll consider changing it though.
I’ll implement changes as per the rest of your advice.
I struggle with characterisation in general, and especially where it has to be concisely delivered. I get that it’s about picking out the right details to convey idiosyncrasy or a sense of character, but I find it difficult. I figured it was better to stick to dialogue near the start rather than risk bloating the story, and just let readers fill in the blanks. I suppose that that’s probably not a good approach though. Is there a guide that you’d recommend which deals with this aspect?
Would you be happy to read through my draft after a rewrite, to check whether my changes actually improve the article?
No worries if not. I appreciate the help you’ve already given me.
in discussion Per Page Discussion / Per page discussions » Chorizos Journey
the next installment in the series will be in November this was based on a dream I had.
in discussion Per Page Discussion / Per page discussions » The Study Of Ancient Spells
Tis touched me in places that would be illegal
Okay, here we go. I got a PM about this, and I love me some short sweet tales. Here are my thoughts:
- The start of the work and some of the middle portions could use a little more written action to set up the scene and the characters, as opposed to just the dialogue. Make it more immersive and the characters more three-dimensional.
- ellipses should be three periods, not two
- Well, in my experience things tends > tend. Also, comma after "experience"?
- He smelled many smells > I'd use a word other than "smells" to avoid the repetition. Fragrances?
- They’d been doing roadworks right outside > I'd make this the start of a new paragraph, to draw attention to the change in topic. This is an important story point I almost missed.
- workmen working- churning; spreading; churning; spreading- until > hyphens should be dashes— and the semicolons should be commas?
Overall, a solid piece! I feel like it's definitely relatable—I personally love scented candles and scent diffusers and there are a lot of smells that make me feel nostalgic. I didn't quite understand the ending (I'm guessing Basil was asleep in a hospital or something while he was experiencing the events of the story?) or the significance of the last fragrance being smoke, though. Can you explain what was happening then?
Hi all. I’m new and would greatly appreciate some crit on my first attempt at a submission.
It’s the ‘Odour Memory’ tab here:
http://wanderers-sandbox.wikidot.com/waxwings-birdbox
It’s a short, sentimental tale in response to the front page prompt regarding sensory magic. I could use some general crit, and I’m especially interested in subjective emotional response to this piece.
in discussion Forum Discussion / Ideas and Advice » A story to read
in discussion Forum Discussion / Ideas and Advice » My awesome story
http://wanderers-sandbox.wikidot.com/the-stratos-sphere
Can I get your input?
in discussion Site Announcements and Proposals / Announcements » New Articles 3
The story Magpies in the Archives goes along with the poem Of the Masters of Books. I'd love to hear what you think about them.
in discussion Forum Discussion / Ideas and Advice » Thoughts on a few poems
Hi Tesrec! I liked those poems a lot, 'A Grave Sense' was my favorite. It was awesome how many questions it raised, got my heart pounding a bit. My only suggestion would be to make it a bit shorter. I also liked 'Music Hall', the dyssynchrony in the lines was very interesting. It felt like the most polished poem. Maybe change the last line of the first stanza. I didn't love 'A Song', it felt a little unoriginal and repetitive.
Great poems, I'd give 'em a little editing and post!
Sheepstealer
Hi Brooks! I'm new to this site but I've got a little familiarity with the editing process. I like what you're trying to do, the title really got my attention. However, I think you should take a serious look back at your grammar and spelling. It's difficult to see what you mean in a lot of places due to grammar errors. The formatting you chose is too utilitarian to evoke a sense of wonder. Most importantly though, 'The Study of Ancient Spells' doesn't seem to tell a story, which is after all, what this site is about.
You've got a good concept, but I think it needs serious revision.
Sheepstealer
in discussion Per Page Discussion / Per page discussions » A Restless Wanderer On The Earth
So is Nod still the Library, or did the Library move?
Please go check out my story I wrote on here called The Study Of Ancient Spells
,I plan on adding more to it but I think most of you would enjoy it :)
v v v v v v v
http://wanderers-library.wikidot.com/the-study-of-ancient-spells
in discussion Per Page Discussion / Per page discussions » A Suicide Note
It’s a cold and it’s a broken Halilula
in discussion Per Page Discussion / Per page discussions » In the Dark
Poems are always lovely but how about make a book of poems instead of just one <3
