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The Martyrdom of Dean Nhov
A short tale that dives into the daily routine of an overworked dean in the Immortal Empire's most prestigious school of magic.
Part of Chronicle of Ulak the Drifter's universe.

Re: New Articles 4 by Din-BidorDin-Bidor, 19 Oct 2019 04:39

wrote this one up in a couple hours before and after class. thanks to magnadeus, rummy, and Hili for looking it over.

by RounderhouseRounderhouse, 19 Oct 2019 01:15

Very interesting. A very rich world and interestingly developed set of characters.

by rumetzenrumetzen, 18 Oct 2019 21:24

This is really good.

by rumetzenrumetzen, 18 Oct 2019 20:06

Definitely an intriguing start, and I'm interesting to see more. My main issue here is that you really need to go through this and severely reduce the number of commas.

by rumetzenrumetzen, 18 Oct 2019 20:02

The story is very interesting, and there is a lot of good imagery here. The thing that bothers me the most is the rhyme scheme. Adhering so close often makes lines feel like they're stilted and being forced into a place where they shouldn't be, and at times it seems to dive into "youth pastor rap" levels where the cadence of the rhyme doesn't feel right. Novote for now.

by rumetzenrumetzen, 18 Oct 2019 19:53

I like the story you have, and think the ending is pretty satisfying. I particularly like An Ordinary Girl. But the first half is somewhat underwhelming and feels less engaging to me.

by JackZRJackZR, 18 Oct 2019 14:22

Heyo! Thanks to Avelon21Avelon21 and Nathan EricksonNathan Erickson for looking at this in the Discord.

This is meant as an intro to something much bigger. In other words this is the first entry of a setting that I'm working on and will hopefully be able to establish.

by SebarusSebarus, 18 Oct 2019 13:41 Just posted a story that is meant as an intro to a setting that I'm working on

Re: New Articles 4 by SebarusSebarus, 18 Oct 2019 13:37
Re: Joke documents? by RounderhouseRounderhouse, 18 Oct 2019 02:00

Noted and edited! Also thanks for your quick response :)

Re: Joke documents? by SitckOfButterSitckOfButter, 17 Oct 2019 23:02

we don't have any infrastructure for joke articles like that - humor articles can be done but any "joke"articles will be treated the same as a regular article.

and as a word of advice, those examples wouldn't go over very well here, especially the second one.

Re: Joke documents? by RounderhouseRounderhouse, 17 Oct 2019 20:54

I've been wondering if there's space for a sense of comedy on this page, and if there is, if there's any specific designation for it. For example, on the SCP site, there's -J SCP's specifically for comedic purposes. I haven't actually written anything yet, though, there's not much to go off of for examples, which is why I apologize if this question is too loaded.

Much thanks!

Joke documents? by SitckOfButterSitckOfButter, 17 Oct 2019 20:43

Good stuff, I enjoyed it. Not a huge fan of verse so I can't say I /loved it but it was pretty solid. Looking forward to having you here.

by RounderhouseRounderhouse, 17 Oct 2019 16:31

Thanks to Avelon21, Klaus Beiderman, and Chillypatihippa for giving their critique during the writing process.

This one took a long time to make, and is the longest in the saga. But this is far from the end, the pieces for big events are now set for the future.

by Reasonably PsychoticReasonably Psychotic, 17 Oct 2019 13:19

The Peaceful Winter

The long reign of King Snowflake finally done.

Thanks to Avelon21Avelon21 for reviewing my writing! This is my first post here, looking forward to the future!

by JackZRJackZR, 17 Oct 2019 09:37
Re: New Articles 4 by JackZRJackZR, 17 Oct 2019 09:30

The rhythm of the poem could be better; I feel like some lines have too many syllables, while others have too little. Try reading the poem aloud and see if you can read it comfortably. If you can say it without forcing any of the lines to rhyme/match up, and you don't find yourself running out of breath, I think it would be better.

I don't have anything wrong with the basis of the story, but perhaps it would also be interesting to have some connection between the poems.

You can also check out my guide to poetry.

by Avelon21Avelon21, 16 Oct 2019 23:31

Like Terran-Imperial Relationships, I feel like this has a solid writing and premise, but feel like it can dive into too much exposition, especially in the early descriptions of the bar and some of the dialogue. I'd like to feel more character and less history. It also feels like it drags. About halfway through, and I'm still not exactly sure what the point is or where the overall story is heading. The length could easily be cut down and the main story brought much more into focus over the history/worldbuilding.

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