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I remember proofing this for a… thing which is still ongoing, sort of. I love everything about this, although I have to say that the random and relatively benign nature of the bears in the Archives was one of the more memorable strange things I have ever read.
hey all. i'm synczomb. i write things sometimes. i'll probably write something here. who knows. i don't.
You can if you want. However, given that it's not in the negatives, there's not really any need to.
Please give me some time to think about how to improve it. Shall I delete this page and post a improved one later?
I'm of two minds on this. I feel like it does imply a decently interesting story, but the poem itself isn't that great (e.g. "bone, and give you the firmest backbone"), and I think that you could have done a lot more to explore the story, even within the confines of a poem that only implies stuff. I'm also not a fan of the Library being a home of ideas that aren't fully developed, which is what this feels like.
I'm not really sure how much this you elided because you wanted to build mystery, and how much of it you elided because you didn't know what to say. At the moment, no vote.
So this is a bit of a late follow-up, but it bears mentioning: If you write something and license it as CC-BY-SA-NC, other people will not be able to adapt or reference it unless their story also uses the same license. This also means that any stories that deal with your work cannot also contain things about the Library, Foundation, or other CC-BY-SA work.
While CC-BY-SA-NC is a totally valid license for any work you post here, its use very severely limits what you and other people can do with that work. Choose whichever license you prefer, but be aware.
I enjoyed this quite a lot, but the writing was a bit much in some spots. So far I have only read this and Summer, but I am enjoying the various forms that each article takes. Looking forward to reading the rest!
It's back!
Please don't be discouraged by this. A lot of what I, myself, write looks a bit silly after a while, but this is just part of the process. The most important thing is to put ideas on paper. Even if you end up not using everything, you will often find that some of what you've written can be used in another story. If you don't write because you think it doesn't sound good on the first try, you may never get anything written at all. One of my highest rated stories, And We Slipped Away, is actually a very small part of an immense, sprawling story, that turned out not to work at all (i.e. it was stupid), but this one part was good, so I got rid of everything else, and kept what worked. Even if you don't use anything, you've still learned a lot about what doesn't work, and practiced the good habit of writing.
Alright thanks for the suggestions and to be honest looking back parts of it are rather ridiculous. I'll be working on it. Thanks!
I'm not sure that I really get what's going on here. Presumably the paragraphs1 are from different bottles from different eras from members of the same family? I'm not really sure. There seems to be a thread running through the stories, but there's no real tension or escalation. The last paragraph felt more than a bit narmy to me, as the "Enter the deep" bit came out of left field, only to be repeated a dozen or so times.
I think this is a potentially good idea for a story. This needs some modification, however. First, I would try to make the individual messages more apparently distinctive. Putting them in boxes ("> wordswordswords") would go a long way to making it clearer, and breaking up the paragraphs would make it more readable.
Second, try to make the characters more distinctive. Other than being told, there's really no indication that these are different characters. Someone born in the 1800s would have a very different writing style (assuming they can even read and write) and outlook from someone in the modern day. Make these more apparent.
Also, try to weave the horror aspect into the story more. As it is, it's a bunch of horror tropes in snapshots of characters that I don't really care about.
Honestly, this doesn't read like a bottle. Maybe more of a diary of some kind, but even then, it's not particularly compelling or realistic. If you haven't already, I would check out Survivor Type by Stephen King as an example of how to do lower-key horror via diary.
When you feel like you've got another draft, feel free to repost it in this thread or come onto IRC and discuss it.
I like the idea of this, but I think it needs some work.
I hope that's some help.
Hi, I'm working on a kind of story based on notes found in bottles and some sort of underwater horror kind of thing. It can be found here under the tab Dusty Old Notes in Forgotten Bottles on Forgotten Shelves. I would love some feedback, as I'm new to writing anything not poetry outside of school things.
Right. So. This was originally intended to be the last piece in this story. However: I have like, twelve more planned, so those will be along at some point.
What narrative is complete without two very similarly named poetry pieces.
Hallelujah
Whether you like it or not, history is on our side. We will bury you!
This is a piece of worldbuilding I've been meaning to get up for a while now. I've already introduced the seasons, and our narrator, but here are a few of the other main characters for the seasonal setting.
Whoops, turns out I wrote this faster than expected. The next piece, An Interlude will be around at some point. Maybe later today. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
