Glowing And Blinking Buttons And Dials
rating: +10+x

[AUDIO LOG - 0]
Ok, so I have a problem. I can't fly a space ship. I have no idea how, which normally wouldn't be a bad thing. However, when you are trapped alone in an escape pod flying is an essential skill. So…I'm in a bit of trouble. Normally there is an autopilot but all the red flashing lights make me assume that it might be broken.

[Breath]

I didn't intend on recording this, I feel kinda gross doing it, but there isn't much to do while I wait so I figured why not? Did I mention all the controls are in Whoremongeries? Yeah I know that's not the official name but I'm no linguist. Now there should be some way to pilot this thing, one of these glowing and blinking buttons and dials should send me home, right?

[AUDIO LOG - 1]
Alright, I think it's day three? maybe four? I think I found the clock but I'm not sure if it's on twenty-four-hour time. I'm not going to lie I'm getting a bit nervous.

[Breath]

They must know the ship went down right? I remember them sending a distress signal. Probably a few more days, maybe even a matter of hours, they got to be here soon… It's hard to sleep. The stars are so bright. The sky is a never-ending array of bright needles poking into my eyes. This thing has no thrusters by the way, or maybe it does and I just can't use them. Maybe if I could spin this thing around I could try to get a fix on where I am. Not that it would help much.

[Breath]

Alright back to playing with dials I guess.

[AUDIO LOG - 2]
Ok, I think I've been here for like a week and a bit? At least nine days. Shit, this is messing with my sleep. I'm a stellar cartographer by trade. My job is to map the universe and explore strange new systems. Really though I'm so much more, I'm a leader, an explorer. Remember that old space shows from, like, three hundred years ago? The one with the pointy-eared aliens and tight jumpsuits. Star…Star Wars, I think? My dad loved those. I always liked that one guy, Captain …Captain Kirk? Yeah. Captain Kirk from Star Wars. I think I'm a lot like that man, so handsome, so charming, exploring the universe. Yeah…Yeah, I like that.

[AUDIO LOG - 3]
I have been here for four days. Four freaking days. I thought I was two weeks in. Fuck fuck fuck. Time is messed up here. I wish I could block out the stars and get some sleep. Fuck. Those glowing and blinking buttons and dials too, they're taunting me. They are whispering to me. My way out is right in front of me. I can see the fuel is full and I can see the reactor is working. But I just can't make the ship go, I mean it's RIGHT FUCKING THERE. FUCK.

[Breath]

I think I've hit every button on this ship. Turned every dial. Fucking nothing. Fuck. [Loud banging noise].

[AUDIO LOG - 4]
So it's obvious when I get rescued I'll be famous right? Oh, Mr. Mcallister, can you tell us again for the audience how your week in space went? How did you survive through that daring time? What message would you like to give the boys and girls at home? Yeah, I will be famous. Probably a book deal and maybe a movie too. Teralis Corp will probably pay me a large settlement to keep quiet about their shitty escape pods. The high life is just beyond the corner and if only I could FIGURE OUT THESE FUCKING CONTROLS. FUCK, FUCK OFF YOU STUPID FLASHING BUTTONS.

[AUDIO LOG - 5]
Ok, so I'm actually one week in now. The little clock says seven days, I think. I've decided to name you, considering you're my only friend now. I will call you…Charles. Why? I knew a Charles once and I fucking hated him.

[Breath]

I wrote the first paragraph of my book. Why not get a head start right? Save the editor a bit of work. Let me read you what I have so far. [Sound of throat clearing].

"Glowing and blinking buttons and dials, and stars. As I came too that's all I saw. Glowing and blinking buttons and dials lined the window and just beyond was a sea of bright stars. Stars are brighter in space, no atmospheric distortion or blinding suns. Just the dials and the stars. My head was throbbing, something had hit me in the back of the head. Blood. Blood too among the stars. Blood was floating in suspended animation in front of me. Not a lot of blood, just a few drops. I was feeling the lack of gravity now as I slid across the cockpit, my body lightly floating above the aged leather."

I always was a bit of a poet. [Laughter]. What? You don't like it? All you do is sit there and flash like an idiot. It's not even done yet. Fuck you Charles.

[AUDIO LOG - 6]
Charles, did I ever tell you about my wife? Cindy. She's so smart man, and beautiful. I don't know what kinda trick I pulled off to get her to marry me. I remember my dads face when I brought her home for Christmas, I don't think I ever saw him so proud. Her and her fancy engineering degree from Cortez - III. She would know how to get out of here. Her and her perfect skin and perfect personality. I'm probably the lowest point of her life if we're being honest. She could have done so much better than me. She probably is, right now, I have been gone for long enough. Could I even blame her? She could have it all but instead she settled for me. She probably wouldn't let these stupid fucking dials and lights get inside her head.
​​​ 
[Breathing is heard for a long period]

Cindy, if you ever find this: I love you. I've always loved you and only you.

[AUDIO LOG - 7]
So it's been two weeks. It feels like a month or a year. I felt like I should make myself presentable so hear it goes:

My name is Alvin Mcallister, stellar choreographer for the Teralis Corp science ship "Winchester." Our mission was an observation of a C Class black hole. I was employed on the vessel for eleven months and…and I love my wife. I love you, Cindy.

Goddammit, Charles are they even coming? Where the fuck are they? It's been two fucking weeks and nothing.

[AUDIO LOG - 8]
My name is Alvin Mcallister, stellar choreographer for the Teralis Corp science ship "Winchester." Our mission was an observation of a C-Class black hole. I was employed on the vessel for eleven months and thirteen days when the reactor melted down. I was able to make it to the escape vessel before the ship imploded. Location of the rest of the crew is unknown. I have been here for…for too long.

[AUDIO LOG - 9]
Darren, that prick. He was always bossing me around.

"Can you get that system mapped out by the morning, Alan.
"Oh, you are plotting that wrong, Alan.
"Please send in your reports with a timestamp, Alan."

I don't know why the crew liked him so much. If that asshole could make captain I should run the entire fucking company. That smile though, that man could smile. I always wanted that yah know? Where you could just smile at someone and they'd instantly like you. That's how you make captain, not with brains or good ideas, but with a fucking smile. I'm pretty sure that prick was hooking up with Many too, even though she's married. I wonder if a guy like that is with Cindy right now, holding her close, closer then I could ever. Darren was the guy that you imagine fucking over every day. You say to yourself: If I was a secret God I would fuck this guys life up so much. Not like murder or anything, just like messing up his shit up you know. Though that man could fly, he sure as hell wouldn't be stuck staring at glowing and blinking buttons and dials. With people like him running the show you wonder why people like me would…

[Silence]

I don't want to talk about the crew anymore.

[AUDIO LOG - 10]
Ohhhhhh Cindy. Cindy, can you hear me? I got the transponder to work. Ohhhh Cindy are you out there? You are there. I can see you. You are around one of the eight fucking million points of light that are eating into my fucking eyes twenty-four hours a day. That's where you arrrrrrrre. When I find you I'm going to hold you so tight. So tight that you can't leave me. Ohhhh Cindy where are youuuuuuu?

[AUDIO LOG - 11]
Charles…Charles, can you hear me? Yeah, yeah you can. Guess what I found? Medicine, a lot of medicine. A whole case of needles in the back. Looks like it has been tampered with too, the case was half-open when I found it. Some of the needles are missing but I still got a lottttttt. I wonder what they do? Do they make you go to sleep? A big restful sleep? That would be good Charles. But but but, this medicine wasn't meant for humans. What if it kills me? Mr. Mcallister heart stops then Mr. Mcallister can't see Cindy again. Can't have that no no no. I'll wait a bit longer…I don't know how long I can make it out here buddy.

[AUDIO LOG - 12]
Well, we made it, one month. Maybe we should celebrate. The food rations aren't going to run out any time soon so maybe we should have a big meal, like a feast. I can always flush the wrappers out of the airlock. In the old tv show, the Star Wars one, they were always worried about running out of food and water and shit. That ain't a big problem in real space flight. We'll probably die of old age before we starve to death. [Laughter]. Here I am in my USS Enterprise all I need is a crew. You would make a good helmsmen Charles. Except you can't FUCKING FLY. JUST ENGAGE, YOU IDIOT. ALL POWER TO THE FORWARD THRUSTERS. TURN THOSE STUPID DIALS AND GET US OUT OF HERE.

[Laughter]. Don't worry Charles I know you are mute and can't talk. Just a cold body with a recorder taped around his neck that's all. Oh, don't give me that look you have been dead for ages. Ain't my fault. [Laughter]. Not like the rest of em. Good copilot though.

[AUDIO LOG - 13]
Maybe our prayers are being answered buddy. Yeah, I've been praying. I don't believe in God or anything but I figured we could use all the help we could get. The stars are starting to disappear. I didn't notice it at first but yeah. A big black circle is coming to eat them all up. An empty black circle slowly swallowing the sky. Isn't it gorgeous? No stupid stars and no Cindy mocking me. Just black. Ah, look alive pal. [Laughter]. By the way how haven't you rotted yet? That's kinda weird. Is this place just super sterile maybe? Cindy would probably know. Shhh now let's watch the stars die together.

[AUDIO LOG - 14]
Stars are almost gone now. Shame you weren't around to see. How did you die? I can't remember. I can't remember much. Maybe you took too much medicine? Do know what's also weird? I found your ID, your name is Charles! Now how did I know that? Maybe we go back a long way. [Laughter]. Now they are almost gone buddy, maybe we can finally get some rest. Cindy would want that.

[AUDIO LOG - 15]
I got a mystery for you. How does a corpse with bruises around his neck get into an escape pod with me? Did you have to fight your way out? Maybe one day you can explain it to me.

[Breath]

You know my dad used to say black holes were evil, he said staring into one drove men mad. They weren't supposed to exist, it's a place where the universe broke. Where all the carefully designed laws of physics broke down. A hole in Gods creation. That old man loved talking about God. Looking at one now I don't know if I believe him. It ate the stars. Staring into the black though, it scares me.

[AUDIO LOG - 16]
The glowing and blinking buttons and dials are brighter now against the black. The thing is eerie, like looking into a silent lake at night. It's so black, so immense, but so quiet. I feel like I should be meditating or something. It scares me. Its darkness is eternal and its depth is unimaginable. I can feel it reaching out, touching my soul. It's just so quiet.

[AUDIO LOG - 17]
I heard Cindy's voice today. Singing. She was singing from the black. They say that black holes are rips in space, and they might be connected to other universes. What if she's on the other side, singing? Singing just for me? Singing through the endless black. Maybe God brought her voice here just for me. The voice is a beautiful harmony as it travels through the void. Her voice is so delicate though so pure. Something that could only come from a hole in everything. The universe is singing to me.

[AUDIO LOG - 18]
The universe is screaming. Her voice is screaming. Screaming so much out of the black the tear took her soul and she is being dragged down towards its core I feel its gravity pulling on me pulling me down into its endless depths it knows what I have done it knows who I am I'm sorry I'M SO SORRY…I didn't mean too…It was an accident.

[Breath]

The black is eternal. The black never ends. The black wants me. The black reaches out.

[AUDIO LOG - 19]
Charles. Charles, I don't know how much longer I can take this. The screams don't stop, they are getting louder. They are filling my head. The black is filling me. Cindy won't stop screaming. The black is eternal. The black never ends. The black wants me. The black reaches out.

[Breath]

I don't know what to do, Charles. I don't know what to do. My dad always said he found God in the good places: In family, in the sunlight, with his girlfriend at the beach. What if we are wrong? What if God lives in the black. What if he judges us from the tears in the universe? What if only those places are pure. He knows what I have done, he knows me. That's why she is screaming, he can't stand me so close to paradise.

[AUDIO LOG - 20]

[Whispering, barely audible]

The black is eternal. The black never ends. The black wants me. The black reaches out. The black is eternal. The black never ends. The black wants me. The black reaches out. The black is eternal. The black never ends. The black wants me. The black reaches out. The black is eternal. The black never ends. The black wants me. The black reaches out. The black is eternal. The black never ends. The black wants me. The black reaches out. The black is eternal. The black never ends. The black wants me. The black reaches out. The black is eternal. The black never ends. The black wants me. The black reaches out. The black is eternal. The black never ends. The black wants me. The black reaches out. The black is eternal. The black never ends. The black wants me. The black reaches out. The black is eternal. The black never ends. The black wants me. The black reaches out. The black is eternal. The black never ends. The black wants me. The black reaches out. [Continues for two hours].

[AUDIO LOG - 21]
The medicine! Charles…Charles look at me, buddy. I need the medicine. It doesn't matter anymore. The black can't be allowed to leave. It's in me. The black is eternal. The black never ends. The black wants me. The black reaches out. The…No…NO. I need the medicine. [Scrambling noises are heard]. Cindy…Cindy, I love you. Cindy, please don't leave me here alone, with the black. Do you remember our first date? In the cafe outside of the old town? Honey, that was the best of me. Remember me then.

[Silence]

The black is eternal. The black never ends. The black wants me. The black reaches out. The black is eternal. The black never ends…. The black wants me….. The black reaches out……… The black is eternal……….

[AUDIO LOG - 0]
Ok, so I have a problem. I can't fly a space ship. I have no idea how, which normally wouldn't be a bad thing. However, when you are trapped alone in an escape pod flying is an essential skill. So…I'm in a bit of trouble. Normally there is an autopilot but all the red flashing lights make me assume that it might be broken.

[Breath]

I didn't intend on recording this, I feel kinda gross doing it, but there isn't much to do while I wait so I figured why not? Did I mention all the controls are in Whoremongeries? Yeah I know that's not the official name but I'm no linguist. Now there should be some way to pilot this thing, one of these glowing and blinking buttons and dials should send me home, right?

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