Life Of Glork
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TRANSMISSION #52499



This is SEMELIEL.

At a point before the present, I passed through the Gulf of Beta Centauri, and happened upon some signals originating 32,4123 systemata away. After trying out a few different methods of analysis, I decided it was language from a sentient being, in an audio format – a kind of entertainment or broadcast. I think it’s unlikely I’ll ever hear the next episode – I’m now at least 2000,0000 systemata away from where I was when I received it, so any signal coming from around there will have dispersed if it ever reaches me again.

If there’s anything throughout the transmission that I think is worth commenting on or has been replaced with a word that will make more sense to the reader as opposed to the original direct translation, I will use square brackets. Without further ado, here is the transmission.


Life of Glork episode no. 11 1001:

Good [day] to you all, my dear audience! It’s been a long time since my last broadcast, since I’ve been busy lately with my new job, but I’m back, ready to talk to you about whatever we feel like. By the way, this episode is sponsored by Sensa Inc, who’ve just come out with a brand-new range of sensations! We’ve all tried their “mind-cooling relief”, “incineratory rage”, “just slightly warm” and “exhilarating freshness”, but now they’ve got a few new ones, like “consuming an odd number of berries”, and “sitting next to your least favourite acquaintance”. On their website they have many more! And all of these will have their price reduced by a factor of 1011 for the first 11 listeners of this show who use the code “GLORKY” at the checkout. Also, the health commission require I state that although these sensations feel real, they are not substitutes for the real thing. Ok – on with the episode!

So, let me tell you a bit about this new part-time job I’ve got – I landed a spot as bartender at the Grand Oluma Resort! As I was walking past the door on my way to look at [pigeons], an employee came out of the front and stuck up a job advertisement poster – you guys wouldn’t believe how quickly I reached out and snatched that poster off the wall! Getting the job is almost certain if no one else knows about the opportunity and you’re the only one applying. I say almost, because I have used the same technique of nabbing the application poster more than once previously, and the fact that this is only my [second] job should tell you a bit about my success rate.

Regardless, I got the job. It’s such perfect timing – if you guys have been following this show for a while, you’ll know that I graduated a few [years] ago, and my funds were on the verge of drying up. I’ve already sold off most of my furniture, so I really need a bit of help in that area. Ha ha. Feel free to donate some money. I love talking with you guys, but unfortunately the sponsor money isn’t sufficient for everything, since I’m somewhat of a smaller broadcaster. Also, I haven’t received any donations. [There is a pause here of three seconds]. So, coming across this job was something of a miracle!

I rushed home and changed into my smartest (and my only) 101-piece suit in the wardrobe, then dashed off back to the Oluma. I’ve been at the job for half an [year] now, and it’s good work, if a bit tiring. I’ve already learnt so much about Oluma-style drinks and refreshments, and to be completely honest it’s mind-boggling how much variety there is. I’ve served at least [2048 – converted from the original binary where it’s a round number] customers already, and only [yesterday] I got asked to rustle up a drink I’d never even heard of before. It was called the [dragon] of the [south], and I think I can get away with divulging the secret recipe – you mix [three] parts [vodka] with one part [???], and then you set it on fire. Because of the layer of [???] which the fire burns on, it remains at a very low temperature, chilling the glass. Admittedly, I wouldn’t put anything like that near my mouth due to the dubious safety procedures involved, but I get why some [people] enjoy that sort of thing.

Speaking of [daredevils], I was able to talk to a moon-hopper pilot only recently, a little older than me, and they told me all about the work they’re doing expanding the edges of the local system. Every [day] they discover new stars and planets, at great personal risk. Did you know, every few [days], a whole moon-hopper and its crew gets obliterated by them, never to return. I didn’t know that. You didn’t know that either. Every single one of them completely annihilated. All [dead] [dead] [dead] [dead]. And yet, they still do their amazing, wonderful work. It really puts our problems into perspective, right?

Anyway, speaking to that kind of person really made me do a bit of [soul]-searching. I’ve graduated. I’ve now finished all of my mandatory education. I’m now required to enter into the big wide world. This bartending job is fun, but I don’t want to do it for the rest of my life, and besides I don’t think the resort will need me for that long, I’m just filling up a [seasonal] vacancy. But here’s the thing – a common tragedy – unlike all of the [people] who I’ve met at the resort, I have no idea what I want to do. I never have.

In fact, I chose my degree, [quantum] engineering because I was told it leaves the most doors open, not because I hold any particular interest towards it. And my problem is that even though I find out about all of these interesting [people] and their stories, personally, I wouldn’t want to do any of the jobs they’re doing. I’m personally not interested in doing them, which is a big problem, because what if I’m not interested in doing anything? Then what? If any of you guys feel the same way, drop me a message, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Wow wow, wow! We have a caller!!! Here’s Gork, calling all the way from the [North] Bank! Take the floor, Gork!

[The call from “Gork” is clearly the original voice of this transmission but pitched slightly higher.]

“HI EVERYONE! MY NAME IS GORK! I LOVE YOUR SHOW GLORK! IT MAKES LIFE WORTHWHILE! I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’D DO IF I COULDN’T LISTEN TO YOUR VOICE! DON’T WORRY ABOUT YOUR FUTURE! JUST CONTINUE MAKING BROADCASTS SO I CAN LISTEN TO YOU FOREVER! YOU DON’T NEED TO BE INTERESTED IN ANYTHING! YOU DON’T NEED TO DO ANYTHING! YOU DON’T NEED TO BE INTERESTED IN ANYTHING! JUST KEEP TALKING TALKING TO ME! TALK!”

[8 seconds of silence pass]

Thank you for the lovely call Gork! That’s some fascinating and extremely helpful insight you have there. Anytime you feel like it we’d love to hear whatever you’ve got to say. So…yeah, if I’m not interested in anything, then I just float around aimlessly doing things I don’t like for the rest of my life wandering from place to place with no permanence without any semblance of anything constant and meaningful or important or worthwhile, and then I [die]. I know, that’s a bit extreme, but that is how it feels. In many ways I envy those moon-hopper pilots, being able to live out their desires and passions, as sappy as that may sound. As a candle, it’s better to burn out quickly and brightly than to never get lit in the first place and provide no light to anyone. That’s how I see it anyway.

[8] [years] ago, none of my classmates knew what they wanted to do with their lives, but one by one they all seem to have found something they care about: one becomes an artist, one becomes a doctor, one becomes a soldier, one is nothing much in particular. Out of all of my friends, I’m the only one who still isn’t pursuing some kind of career. I don’t think it’s normal to be honest, but maybe everyone I know is just unreasonably productive and determined. You know, if there are any of you guys out there who were in the same situation as me, but got out of it, please write in, I could really use a bit of encouragement. Please write.

[a further 7 seconds]

Ah! I know, why don’t we play a game. I have a list here that one of you guys sent in of [64] prompts, and I have to answer them here, on the spot, live on air!

[Glork sounds relieved, and shuffles some paper around]

These are worth tuning in for, so make sure you keep listening ‘till the end, it will be worth it, I promise! So, drumroll pleeaase for the first prompt…

[Glork rapidly taps his (fingers?) on a hard surface, accelerating]

why aren’t you scared?

Ah what a prompt! And that one’s from… Gork, our top listener! Well, my dear Gork, it’s because I have you all to talk to, to keep me sane. If I couldn’t keep talking to you, I think I would be [dead], ha ha. But I’m not, because of you. Right, next prompt!

why aren’t you [dead]?

Well, if I was, then I wouldn’t be able to continue this broadcast, would I? Because I’m not [dead], I’m therefore able to continue talking to you, and I love talking to you. I couldn’t imagine staying silent. Next one!

why aren’t you silent?

Wow, what amazing questions we have [today]! You see, if I stayed silent then I might hear the other things and I don’t want to hear the other things, because then I’d be scared. I don’t want to be scared, so instead I’ll talk. I want to talk to you guys. [Glork’s voice is reminiscent of one enthusiastically being burnt alive]. And there ends the game section!

I think I have time to talk about one more thing before the broadcast time I’ve paid for runs out. So –




[4 hours 32 minutes pass in complete silence. I originally thought that the microphone might have cut out here, but the file appeared to be slightly larger than expected given the already broadcast content. There was more – a greatly subdued, barely audible voice returned.]
.
.
.
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I don’t have any words left.
It would be different if someone listened. I don’t think anyone does. I don’t.
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[4 minutes of silence]
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I lied about the job at the Oluma Resort. I don’t have a job.
I lie and lie and lie and lie because to tell the truth would mean to say nothing at all.
.
[4 minutes of silence]
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I don’t even know how I know the things I know. I’ve never seen anyoneanything. What time is it?
It’s [4.40 pm]. Ok thank you.
.
.
.
.
[of silence]
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.
.
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I managed to keep this broadcast going for a bit longer than usual. That might be good. Wasting time is good. It’s better than the silence. But I’ve got no words left to scare away the silence with; repeating words is equivalent to nothing.
…………………. When the silence comes back
……………………………………………… I remember that
……………………………………………………………. I’ve forgotten who
………………………………………………………………………………… I am and
…………………………………………………………………………………………. where I am.
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I don’t have a name, it definitely isn’t Glork. What a stupid name.
.



The transmission I received ended there. I don’t have anything to add, since this transmission cannot be regarded as a reliable source of information.

SEMELIEL

(Designation SEMELIEL GRAPHUN-MAL GALORTH-GALUNUN-NA'HATH-GON-GAL)


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