Schooling On Earth
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Considering moving to Earth? Maybe after work, maybe running away from the conditions of your planet? Do you have children? If you do, you're probably thinking about educating them on this bizarre but wonderful planet. Maybe you are even wondering about educational options for yourself on Earth. Well, not to worry, this travel brochure will hold all the information you need to know about the education you or your child/hatchling/larva will receive on Earth!


Education on most of Earth nowadays is either free or relatively cheap. Your best bet is pretty much any of the countries in the northern hemisphere, where education is high quality, and low of price. But, if cold climates don't fair well with your species, you would probably do well with countries like Australia, Brazil, France or Italy as well.

Depending on your race, you also might have to make some additional charges. For example, if your child does not breathe oxygen, they will need some sort of breathing apparatus not to suffocate, or if your child does not communicate through a spoken language, they will need a translator. Humans also have two legs and two arms, and thus, their school supplies and architecture are designed for this body type. So, a pupil that doesn't fit this might need custom supplies.

Level of Education

As said before, the level of education you or your child will receive depends on what part of the world you are in. However, some races might find all education on Earth lacking. The human nervous system is not very efficient compared to many of the other sentient races. Because of this, the information they teach in schools is pretty goddamn basic. Your child will not learn anything about quantum mechanics before university. However, this also means that if your race is one of the smarter ones, your child will excel compared to their human peers, leaving plenty of time for other activities besides school.

There are however things to be learnt on Earth that aren't as easily learned on other worlds. For example, while humans are not the most scientifically advanced race, they are quite adept in the use of magic. So, if your child is interested in a career as a thaumaturge, Earth is the place to go. They are also quite creative, so if any of the traditional arts are your passion, then Earth with its numerous different cultures and thousands of famous artists is a good place to learn. However, human perception is limited, so you might want to go somewhere else when you want to start using stuff like telepathic imagery or multidimensional colors in your art.


Earth is a relatively tame planet. The gravity is pretty standard, the air is composed of oxygen which most people breathe. There are natural disasters like earthquakes, volcanoes, strong winds and tornadoes, but they are not as strong as on some other planets. It doesn't rain molten glass and there are no electric sand storms, so if those are what you are used to then Earth will seem very tame. Humans themselves are very safe, in fact, you might be a potential danger for them. Humans are a very feeble race without pretty much any biological protection, so if your race has a tendency to leak acid all over the place, or if your standard greeting is ripping someones arm off because you have multiple and they grow back, then maybe reconsider moving to Earth or at least get accustomed to weird looks from people.

Transport and Residency

So, is education on Earth something you would be interested in? If so, then you will obviously need to get there first, but how do you do that? There are loads of companies that offer relocation or housing services for extraterrestrials on Earth, but we at the Galactic Relocation & Housing Services are the only ones to offer both! We have empty lots on Earth, constructed to accommodate various types of lifeforms from various different climates. Whether you breathe sulfuric acid, have a surface temperature of 500 degrees Celsius, or require a perfect vacuum to live in, we have something for you!

You, your family and your possession will be transported to Earth through one of our moving shuttles, in which you will be cryogenically frozen for the duration of the trip, so that if something goes horribly wrong and you die, you won't even notice! Just be sure to leave any houseplants, weaponry, grapes and/or magical artifacts that you might have at home, for these items are not allowed on our shuttles.

Sounds good doesn't it? All of this has to be expensive, right? Wrong! For the small price of 50,000 credits for moving and a rent ranging from 200-1000 credits per month1 depending on your needs, you can have your dream home on Earth today!

So come on down to, to find out more about your options, life on Earth in general and fill out a simple form that will tell us everything about you. Everything we need to provide you with everything you need of course! We have already served 3 million customers, who all study and live happy lives down on their new home planet. Why not be one of them? Seriously, why not? Am I not a good brochure? Am I not persuasive enough?

All I ever wanted was to be a good salesman.

why does no one listen to me?

everyone just passes by, like they don't care about our affordable prices and quality housing… just put me back on the shelf where you found me…

…why are there books everywhere?

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