The following notes have been attributed to Septimus The Enchanter.
All notes have been written on aged, cantaloupe-scented paper that shout at any entity that reads them.
Glued to the back of a portrait of a husband and wife on the rim of an erupting volcano among the juvenile fiction (May 8, 1400):
SON! We are off to rendezvous with PELEE! Be a responsible young ENCHANTER and enjoy the children's section! Love Daddy SEPTIMUS THE ENCHANTER!
Borne by a bespectacled earthworm enroute through the Comparative Theology section (October 30, 1096):
Urban! I know you have repossessed the kaftan given as a boon by the Zoroastrians! RETURN THE GARMENT POST-HASTE OR SUFFER A MORE STERNLY WORDED PARCHMENT!
Found attached to a door in the Improbable Studies Collection (January 2, 1901):
[Trumpet Fanfare] You have located the office of SEPTIMUS THE ENCHANTER! THUMB of the SERPENT'S HAND! Please deposit all inquiries in legible writing through the MAIL SLOT! [Fanfare ceases]
Wrapped around an arrow stuck into a study table (April 14 1933):
This is my ULTIMATE threat display Gregor! CEASE tampering with photosynthetic intelligences or suffer the RETRIBUTION OF GALVANIC DIGITS! So warn I! SEPTIMUS THE ENCHANTER!
Inside of a heavily re-enforced 50 gallon aquarium in the Greenhouse (August 8, 1976):
Do not perturb the cephalopod! SHE KNOWS! [Thunderclap]
Adjacent to a bored-looking Sambas stream toad at a typewriter in the main reading room (July 12, 1980-Present):
I am most pleased to introduce MELISSA my INTERN! SECRETARY! She is WELL compensated for her time and does NOT take BRIBES!
A sticky note placed on an mp3 player of dubious quality (September 14, 2008):
WHAT SORCERY IS THIS INFERNAL "FIRMWARE UPDATE"? MY EARTHLY REPOSITORY OF MELODIES IS LOST!
In an ozone-scented pile of ash next to a rosebush named Joshua that had been practicing calligraphy (June 6, 2010):
I warned you Gregor.
Fragment of paper in a wastebasket (July 4, 2011)
It's NOT a typo. My middle name IS "The"!
Discovered on a pile of books in the Basement Stacks (Today):
WHO DARES DISTURB THE RESEARCH OF SEPTIMUS? MOLEST NOT ONE PAGE OF THESE VALUABLE TOMES!