The Pitch
rating: +7+x

Ah, hello, hello. Couldn't help but notice ya staring at me like that. Let me guess, you're interested in what's in these vials?

Really? Well I'll tell you anyway. I'm an old man, got nothing to do but talk to myself. You'll understand it when you're older, eh? Anyway, you're not the first one to ask me about these vials.

I know you didn't! But I'm going to pretend like ya did, cause I ain't got nothing else to do. Now shush up and listen. These here bottles got liquid science inside 'em.

Course it makes sense. Just watch. Lemme take just take out this one. Check that label out. 'Evolution'. Bet ya can't guess what's in that one, eh?

Tch. You don't got many friends at school do ya?

Shush up I said! So as I was saying before I was so crudely interrupted, this bottles got evolution inside o' it. This one's got the speed o' light, this one's got Planck's constant… they teach you that in school yet?

Tch. That's the government for ya. Anyway, all twenty-five o' these little bottles got something different inside it. And when you got that thing's bottle, you can have all sorts of fun. Someone with all o' these bottles, they'd be basically God.

I'm going to sell them, what the hell else would I do? 50 dollars a drop. That's a steal, don't try to think otherwise.

You ain't convinced? Alright, alright. Lemme show you something. Say hi to Gregory. Don't worry, he don't bite. Gregory here is my sales partner. Can ya figure out what he is?

Ha, no, he's a hamster. He used ta be at least, before he got a taste o' this. Don't look at me at like that. Just watch. Only one drop o' this stuff and he'll start to get real worked up, yes sir.

Stop that! It's not hurting him. He probably just feels a bit o' tickling. Look at that! Isn't beautiful? A million years o' natural selection, all condensed into a few minutes. And that's just one drop. Think what ya could do with five, or ten. Could change a whole lotta animals couldn't ya? Maybe even try a bit on yourself, see what happens?

Hell no I aint! Do I look stupid? For all I know I'll end up with my eyes on my asshole or something. I just saying it's a possibility.

What's that? Speak up!

All sorts a reason! Ain't you curious about what could happen? Ain't you ever wondered 'bout what the world we be like after you're gone?

How about practical reasons then? With one o' these things, you could become a celebrity overnight. Scientists the world over would flip a pig over ol' Gregory here. If you had two or three o' things to how 'em, how do ya think they would react?

Okay, okay, that's fine. We'll just have to find something a bit up more your alley. Nuclear fusion? You'd be the first kid I met who don't get a bit excited by the idea of mixing up his own elements.

Speed o' light then? Gravity? Food chain?

Really? Most folks don't seem to like that one too much. What do ya plan on?

Hm. Sounds dangerous. You sure about it?

Fine fine. Just try not to do it while I'm around, heh. For that, I'd say you need… 20 drops? You happen to be carrying $1000 in those basketball shorts, kid?

Of course I don't! You pay now or not at all.

Alright, come back then. I'll be waiting.

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