Left on a lowly sparse fishing village by my friends, my brothers and everyone I love for one mistake. One slip, one broken bottle, one less eye on board.. My ship? gone. My life? gone…
Drinking takes away the forces of reason and emotion, stalling them with a magic trick called numbness. But stumbling around drunkenly brings disaster. Falling clumsily down a massive hill breaks a few bones but it doesn't stop there. Suddenly the hill vanishes, turning into a free-fall. Branches crash and break as I fall down, I laugh in excitement, thinking about how much it will hurt later. I feel so giddy.
I come to a stop in the bottom of the valley facing towards the sky, I see a blurry image of a cliff face as my vision goes black… I found myself in between the two beasts my numbness stalls. They aren't here for me yet, but they will show their power.
The ocean of emotion and the shore of rationality crash and eat away at one another in a frightening dance. And here I lay, in the middle, the untouched land, the valley of apathy.
I watch as the two titans embrace. I reach out to feel, to think something else but my body can't move. Left alone, unable to think. I watch as they continue their dance. Realization hits but my sense isn't back. I am in a dream, dying, feeling nothing because of the excess alcohol
Seconds feel like dreadful eternities trapped in my mind holding out hope that something will come and lift me from this valley where pain is non existent but existence is pain. The inevitability of suffering makes every sound numb to my deaf ears. Even a god couldn't reach my valley. Nothing could reach my lack of anything.
I've heard people say sadness is the most torturous emotion but I know that they're wrong. Pure lack of being able to express emotion is the most torturous. The hollow feeling replaces even sadness. I am aware of every pain aching my body and yet none of them. You are trapped only guided by temporary thoughts to ease the agony. A bleak attempt to keep the true hell at bay. Even as you try you know its fruitless.
I am trapped in a valley of apathy between the ocean of emotion and the shore of rationality.
And I am still drowning.