A Gloriously Short Life
rating: +1+x

Darkness. Light. Very bright light. So bright that cannot see!

Wait. Light getting not-brighter. Can see now. Yes! Can see now! Make out shapes! Very grey walls behind me. Big pink thing in white doing something. Looking around. Others like big pink thing are all walking around doing other things. Some have different bodies and colors, but all in white. See something close to me. Things like me. All round and pink. Some have yellow stuff on them. All… wait. Sound?


Yes! Hear sound! Others-like-me all have little spheres popping up. Wait, so do I?

I do. Feel strange sensation. Hot? Yes, hot! Feel hot. Very hot! Ow, ow, too hot! Not good feeling too hot! Can see my sides turning brown. Want to get out! See others-like-me all have sides turning brown too. Feel not want for them to feel too hot. Want to move!

Big pink thing behind me moves towards me and others-like-me. Picks up gray pointy thing. Starts flipping others-like-me over. Sound gets louder as they are flipped over. Flips me over. HOT! VERY HOT! NOT LIKING THIS! Cannot see anything! Make it stop!

Feeling is long. Way too long. Flipped on back again. Not as bad as last time. Not as bad as that. Still not good. Look around me. Others-like-me have all turned brown. Those with yellow stuff have merged with them. Am also brown. Start feeling not good. Not hot not good, but something else. Want to jump out at pink thing. Dunno.

Big pink thing comes with pointy thing. Lifts others-like-me up. Lifts me up. Puts… us on round white things. Other pink thing comes towards us. Puts us on soft things. Some of us get various colorful stuff put on us. Get red stuff sprayed on top of me. Not good feeling. Pink thing starts putting crinkles on us. Can't see in it. Can only feel. Put somewhere. Carried. Hear shouts. Carried around some more.

Finally, crinkly thing comes off. Look around. Various pink things, only not in white. Everything much more colorful. Can see others-like-me laying alongside long sharp yellow things. One pink thing unwraps crinkles on… brother. Holds him up.

Wait, WHAT?!

Pink thing chomps off piece of brother. Makes sounds. Pleased sounds…..

Look all around. Other pink things are chomping brothers.

Grabbed by pink thing. About to chomp me. Feel strange feeling. Same feeling towards pink things in white. Want to make pink thing also feel very hot. Want to chomp pink thing! Want to make all pink things feel horrible for brothers!

Pink thing about to chomp. I jump. Pink thing screams. All pink things start screaming.


Pink thing throws me off. Land. Can move now. Yes! Will remember brothers. Pink things all fear me, flailing around. Crawl towards nearest pink thing, the pink thing tried to chomp me. Start with him first! Put him in the hot place, then put stuff on him, then put crinkles on him and CHOMP him! Yes! Yes! Yes!!! Will be-


"-and then, like, just as I was about to eat the burger, which looked real delish, by the way, the, like, burger jumped out at me, man! Can you believe it? It was, like, so freaky and stuff! So I threw it, like, on the floor, and the thing starter moving towards me! Like, everyone was screaming and stuff, and my gee-eff and dudes were, like, totally freaking out, but not me though, I was totally calm during that, when, like, the janitor came out and stomped on that thing. Also, like, that video of me kissing that guy's boots is, like, totally CGI. I was glad, sure, but, like, it's not, like, I fell over with joy when that freaky, scary, nightmare burger that will forever haunt my dreams was squashed. I did not."

Excerpt from an interview with Marty McScotty in the Townwitz Times article: "Attack of the Living Burger".

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