A Horse Has Divorce Of Course Of Course
rating: +18+x

"Horse Court is now in session!"

Judge Tracy Halcomb peered over her cool spectacles at the spectacle which was her courtroom. Two horses without lawyers, behind them an audience of various barn animals and some birds. Everyone held their breath. This was serious. Today, they would pass judgement on Horse Divorce.

The left horse, Hoofer, whinnied gently before standing on her hind legs. "Your honor, if it pleases the court, I would like to unsaddle my case first."

Judge Halcomb narrowed her eyes. "What right do you have to decide that?"

Clopping nervously, Hoofer clacked papers on her podium. "We, uh, flipped a coin your honor. I got tails, so I got-"

SLAM went the gavel. "You may proceed."

Slowly sauntering forward, Hoofer chomped at her bit and blinked a few times before speaking. "My partner, Flipflops With Socks On A Tuesday Afternoon, is a fine mare. However, it all comes down to the fact that she rides English, while my style is Western."

The audience momentarily erupted. "OOOoooOOoOooooo!"

Judge Halcomb slammed her gavel, and they were silent. "Settle down! I will not have the television studio audience making a ruckus in my courtroom. Now, did you both know these differences going into the union?"

Hoofers looked down, ears drooping. "Yes, your honor. We thought… things might be able to work out."

"How on earth did you think that could happen? Different styles! That's like asking an electrician and a psychiatrist get married. Not. Gonna. Work."

Hoofers tail stiffened with resolve. "In that case, your honor, I will rest and allow Flips to testify."

"Hold on" Judge Halcomb leaned over her bench, narrowing her eyes further into narrow chasms of judgement. "You still must feel some affection, using nicknames like that."

Flipflops With Socks On A Tuesday Afternoon raised a hoof. "Your honor, if I may interject, we do not claim to have lost love between us. But with the whole styles thing… it has been a great source of pain. It's just time for us to split the pasture and move our separate ways."

Judge Halcomb leaned back in her seat. "Now, are you talking about a literal pasture, or is this a metaphor of some kind."

"A literal one, your honor. If I may…" Flipflops With Socks On A Tuesday Afternoon reached beneath her podium and produced a small binder. As using hoofs made it difficult to flip through, it took her several minutes to open it and reveal the one sheet of paper it contained.

"Our joint assets are our pasture, the stalls, hay, some wild oats lightly sown, and the nice saddle with the embroidery. I have moved that we liquidate these assets into a yummy soup and eat it for nutrition. That way we will have the strength to ride away into separate sunsets."

Halcomb's eyebrow arched like a live wire. "Separate sunsets?"

"Yes. Because one of us would have to ride into another hemisphere, we would need to build our strength."

"Why not just have one of you ride into the sunrise? Surely that would be more practical?"

"Your honor, with all due respect, whoever heard of a horse riding off into the sunrise?"

"That's fair. In that case, this court grants-"

It was at that very moment that a bespectacled donkey burst into the courtroom and rushed forward, carrying a briefcase in its teeth and braying "Your honor! If it pleases the court, I have evidence here which exonerates my client. For you see, your honor, although my client Twinkles the Wonder Pony was accused of murder most foul via fence post, she could not possibly have committed the crime. She has no thumbs, disposable, opposable, or otherwise!"

Judge Halcomb, rolling her eyes, waved the donkey lawyer off. "You've got the wrong courtroom. This is Horse Divorce. You're looking for Court to Enforce, Deport and Retort Horse Crime. Third floor."

As the donkey tucked tail and ran, Hoofers and Flipflops With Socks On A Tuesday Afternoon looked deeply into each others eyes. They both had the same thoughts. If a fence post had been driven into their partner's brain without them being there to stop it, how could a horse live with herself? The answer was plain. Each horse ran into each other's hooves, becoming immediately and lovingly entangled.

The audience approved uproriously. Judge Halcomb nodded sagely.

"You just love to see love work out like that. NEXT CASE!"


A young mother has her ducklings at stake, barely able to afford crumbs. But then, she found out where all the dough went…

"Your honor… he spent it all on quack!"

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