Are you really still afraid of seeing something in the dark?
Skr… Scrtch… Sktch…
Whiiiiiine… Hrff… Hughff…
And yet… you can't even force yourself to get up like a responsible human being…
You're too afraid of that think your mind conjures up those moments between sleep and wake. Your body is stiff, your blood frozen. That buzzing in your ears. The sense of aching dread you're never sure is the cause of the paralysis or is there because of it. You picture horrible sharp teeth and leathery skin… or maybe a slimy writhing body… it could even look like you, but not. You fight to move, you try to scream but your body is stone and all that comes out is a strangled breath.
You never see it… but you know it's there. It's still there when you break free… Maybe it's in the closet. Maybe it's right by your bed. Maybe it's inches from your face moving as you do.
It's always just out of reach.
Whinne…
Whhhimmmp… Scrtch… Skrh…
Your skin will tighten and prickle over with goose flesh. Your throat will close and your breathing will stop. Your blood will run cold and your heart will pound. The only thing you'll hear over the ringing in your ears will be the low gurgling growl of the thing staring you directly into your eyes.
Sheer terror. The deepest fear you've ever felt and ever will because you won't survive long enough to feel it again. You're certain that'll happen.
But it won't. It's only a dream and you're awake now.
Your free will has been returned to you… and this is what you choose to do with it.
Hrff… huff… Bark! Bark!
Skritch… Krch… skkk…
It's silly; objectively silly. But for some reason to you, it's worth it.
Your eyes have long adjusted to the darkness. If you opened them, you might see it. It's starving. Rail thin. You've kept it at bay all these years… It needs to eat now… but it can't. It's missing the most crucial element of its hunt.
Being perceived…?
God, there you go stumbling again. You're not even going in the right direction.
YIP!
Whinee…. whinne….
All for something you would call silly in the waking hours of the day.
You say you don't believe monsters exist. Yet you still partake in this ridiculous ritual every single night. It's like a child diving beneath covers during a storm as if that would protect them from anything.
Maybe it manifested from your shitty childhood. Maybe it was a horror movie that "traumatized" you when you were younger. Maybe it was an older kid that scared you on a camping trip. The source doesn't matter.
It's indefensible that someone your age behaves like this no matter what excuses you conjure up.
Scrtch… scritch….
Thump. Thump. Thump.
But you know your fear isn't rational. Even your therapist thinks so. Isn't it funny how the only person to coddle you about this is coincidentally also the only one being paid to talk to you?
Everyone who knows about this thinks less of you. It was a nuisance to your parents. Your only one-night stand kicked you out when you shattered her grandmother's vase. Those friends you slept over with in middle school still tell the story of you falling into the bathtub and breaking your arm when they get drunk at parties.
All of them laugh at you behind your back.
Thump. Scritch… Thump
Hrrph… Thump. Thump.
God, you're pathetic… Didn't you see how that new cashier's expression changed when she realized you went to high school with her brother? Yeah… She was probably trying not to laugh in your face… and then the subtle way your coworkers started to treat you differently in the weeks after she was hired… You're lying to yourself if you think she didn't tell them. They know what a coward you are.
You can't bring anyone home. You can't stay at anyone else's house either. How will you find a wife? A husband? Any partner, really… Not to mention no trips to Berlin, Hong Kong, or Vegas with your friends. Anyone who spends even a single night in the same hotel room as you knows exactly how emotionally stunted you are… and they pity you for it… They start thinking of you less as a friend and more as an obligation; someone to babysit. Sometimes they'll keep you around because they feel bad… but most of the time they push you away… Why wouldn't they?
No one wants to be friends with an overgrown baby.
Thump… Huuugh… Sckh…
Thump. Thump. THUMP.
What are you even afraid of? You've practically ruined your social life before it had a chance to begin… and for what? A simple childhood fear you can't let go of?
It's stupid no matter how you look at it. Even to delve into the logic of your fear for a moment… though, it's ridiculous to even entertain this… let's say there was a monster. How would seeing it trigger anything different? You think it's been there the whole time… right? It's not like closing your eyes makes you invisible. You don't really believe that, do you? Oh, my…
From the sounds of it, you're just afraid of the possibility of feeling that earth-shattering fear. That skin tensing, throat tightening, heart-pounding, ear-ringing sensation… It's never done anything before. Why would seeing it change that? All that would be different would be that fear…
THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP.
But doesn't fear ruin meat anyway? If anything you'd be more safe after seeing it.
It changes the flavor.
Something about lactic acid or adrenaline…
That just sounds disgusting. Doesn't the thought of that just make you feel like you're going to vomit?
Can you feel the drool pooling beneath your tongue?
Click.
So, next time… just…
Start acting like an adult.
Open your eyes.
Get over it.