Brief Moment

---

+FEAR+

Because trust is a gamble, and I've always fucking sucked at Poker

---

+ANGER+

Like boiling water, like a ticking bomb, or a rapidly beating heart, because I've stayed quiet way too many times

---

+REGRET+

And at the end, I've got no one else to blame, but myself

---

Fear, anger, regret.

They define me, they surround me, they've eaten all that I am and left nothing behind

I drown in misery, and I drown in pain, I drown in everyone who's ever hurt me, and the ways I'd like to hurt them

Hurt them, until they bleed

Hurt them, until they cry

Hurt them, until they die

But I can't hurt them, so I hurt myself instead

I hurt, until I bleed, until I cry, until I can't hurt anymore, and I hope that the pain will fix me

Fix me, becase I'm broken, shattered like glass

Fix me, because the medicine won't

Fix me, because I can't do this anymore

Fixx me

Fixxxxx me

FIXXXXX ME!

I hurt, and I hope, and I hurt again, because I do not know how to do anything else

I hope, and I hurt, and I hope again, because life is a sick game, and I can not be granted resolve

The resolve, to give up, or to fix me myself

---

+LOOK+

Thin lines of blood slide from my arm and drop to the floor, following the exact-o-knife's song

The oily red substance stains my white fur, but it matters not

I stab it in the flesh, and I cry out in pain, I cry, and I yell, but nobody can hear me

I pull it out then, and I do it again

The air escapes my lungs, my mouth, my soul

---

+IN THE+

The night comes, and it's too dark for me to see

Goosebumps hit my body as I close my eyes, and I plead, and I beg, something, to someone

I roll around in bed as the hours pass, and then finally, before I can realize it, the world is gone once again

I get a glance of all that I'll never have, and I wake up in a sweat

---

+MIRROR+

And I don't recognize myself.

---

And I wonder what will Papá and Mamá think, looking down at me from heaven, with the angels and the divines

And all the kids that did their homework

Wanting to see their kid being succesful in life, and looking at whatever fucking mess I've he's become

Fuck them, fuck me, fuck everyone who looks at me weird when I flip off the sky in the middle of the street

The moon assaults the sky once again, but I know better than to wallow in bed this time, believe it or not, there are better places to do so

Then the music blasts my ears off, and I find myself reconsidering that last statement

So I dance my thoughts off to the beats of fury, I dance, surrounded by apathy, surrounded by hundreds of individuals desperately trying to feel alive

And the alcohol stops burning the throat

And the needles stop stinging

But as the lines go up my nose and my soul, I find that it is still as satisfying as it's ever been

It takes some time, but I eventually find someone, like I always do, and his their hands eventually find themselves all over me

And they feel my scars, the same scars that if they saw in broad daylight, they would cringe, or act disturbed, but in the moment, it's like it doesn't even matter

Nothing really does

---

+AREN'T+

And I remember the ringing of the bells every Sunday, and the stag in the podium reading an excerpt from the bible

Like it was the best fucking shit he had ever read

Which in all fairness, it probably was

Motherfucker called me a canine when we fucked, don't they teach you this stuff in elementary school or whatever?

Can't expect much from the church with the catequists that think the NASA is planning to blow up the Earth,

I guess

---

+YOU+

And I remember the ringing of the bells when the clock hit 10, and every single motherfucker rushing out the classroom

Like if their fucking lives depended on how fast they could leave the room

Which in all fairness… they absolutely did

And the teacher would call my name before I had a chance to step out

And it would sting, not because I was tired of the earfuls, but because I actually liked this teacher

Her class was the only thing I would look up to the whole week

I didn't want that to be taken from me

It wasn't the disappointed look, and it wasn't the "you're underperforming" talk, it was the fact she told me that… she was sad, that she wanted to see me doing my best

And the fact that I was

If my best isn't enough, what then?

What am I supposed to do?

---

+TIRED?+

I am, I've been tired, I've been miserable, ever since I can remember.

And I plead

And I beg

For someone to come save me

Because I can't save myself

---

And I cross the Way, because I'm what's next to hungover, and today's my day off anyway

(At least I think it is)

And the fake Sun shines down at me, and it hurts my FUCKING eyes, holy shit, what a bitch

And my throat hurts, and so does my jaw, a miracle he didn't break it, honestly

And a Librarian gives me the ugly eye, because I'm a scarred mf wearing pajamas and smoking in the middle of a Garden

The Garden.

I give it the ugly eye right back, and that seems to make it fuck off

So I grin and sit down on a bench, I take a couple more puffs of the cig and I look at the grass, and the trees, I look at the flowers, species that probably aren't even in my world turning around to greet me

I look at the Fountain, and the endless amount of water pouring down from it

And I sigh

Because my nails are stained of nicotine, and there are bags under my eyes, and my fur is unkempt, and I have a fucking killer migraine and everything fucking hurts, okay?

But for a moment, with the not-the-Sun shining down on the grass, it makes everything glow, like a big field of gold extending out into the horizon

For a moment, everything feels okay

I look down at the cigarrette and I click my tongue

I extinguish it, against the green metal bars of the bench.

+Translations

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