Caring For Your Squonk
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Thank You for Purchasing a Squonk from LumberWoods Incorperated! For questions, send a message by crow to 7875 Whimpus Drive in Trenton, Montana.

Caring For Your Squonk When the Squonk arrives, first make sure to have a towel handy! After all, the poor thing is crying from being in that box for so long! Wipe down your new pet thoroughly, and make sure to give it frequent complements! Squonk love to be carried around, so be sure to do that!

Squonk tend to repel other animals due to their hideous nature, so you'll need to train any pets you have to love your Squonk as much as you do!

The Squonk doesn't enjoy eating, so you'll have to help it! Simply place a spoon with maple syrup near its lips and soon it'll begin lapping it up! Feed your Squonk maple syrup twice a day for a week before moving to solid foods. The Squonk will absolutely refuse to eat meat, so make sure to feed it any fruits, vegetables, leaves, or wigs you don't want!

Squonk at first will weep so much that they will literally leave a trail of tears wherever they go. It is recommended to have a towel or a wet vacuum handy while training your Squonk to be happy.

It is advised that all contact with your Squonk should be limited to no longer than 15 minutes per day. LumberWoods Incorporated is not responsible for you or any other person being transformed into a Squonk from extended exposure.

Training Your Squonk
Like all pets, the Squonk will need to be trained. Fortunately, the Squonk doesn't go to bathroom, so you don't need to housebreak it! Unfortunately, because it's almost constantly weeping, one must teach it to be happy all the time! Put it outside in the sun for an hour every day while playing classical music, and in a few months, your Squonk will be as happy as clam!

Squonk Breeding
Squonk very rarely breed with one another, and usually split into two Squonks to reproduce. Neither of these new Squonks will remember you in any way, nor any training. Begin training as soon as possible. Should you desire only a single Squonk, simply hit one with a hammer until it stops moving. Then, burn the remains! Should you desire to keep both, simply train them both! Squonk do better in pairs!*

LumberWoods Incorperated is not responsible for any physical, mental, property, or emotional damage causing this or any other of its products. Do not release your Squonk into the wild, as it is a federal crime. Should you desire to return your Squonk, LumberWoods Incorperated is not obligated to give you a full or partial refund.

*Squonk are quite fearful of one another, and henceforth do very poorly when forced to live within the same space for an extended period.

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