rating: +15+x

by LAN and interstellarsheep

REPORT #2374


The record I’ve attached below is a series of unusual transmissions I picked up whilst travelling through the Amana-C Cluster. Usually, I would have deleted these transmissions immediately, however, my analysis has shown they are connected in some way - due to the similar transmission dates and coordinates - so I have assembled them for future use.

Since this is a record of past events, there may be comments I have made that do not reflect my current understanding of the transmissions.

Please relay this message to the Higher Echelon immediately. I cannot stress its importance enough.


Vol. ∞+1




By Artinhal Black

You’ve seen it on the inter-web, you’ve heard it on your guilty listenings to Ouilday Broadcasts, and you’re reading it now, in this very special issue of the KALAMAS TIMES. What are you talking about? You may ask. Ah dear reader, thank you for revealing you live under a rock. But besides that, here’s the scoop.

Earlier this week, a local neighbourhood civilian - who shall remain unnamed - was tending to their garden, as good citizens should. Anyways, they were caring for their garden, sprinkling their plants and the like, when they noticed something odd about the tree at the back of their garden.

Now this tree (according to unconfirmed sources) is thousands of years old, belonging to their grandparents and their grandparents and their grandparents. But the age of the tree has nothing to do with its strange condition.

You see, I’m not writing correctly if I say there’s something wrong with the tree. There’s something wrong with the shadows.

Originally, the owner thought it might be Zero-Shadow Day, a phenomenon that affects many states south of the Shining Wall, but how could that account for the lack of shadows underneath the tree? It not only didn’t have shadows below it but none on the leaves or branches either. A wild sight to behold for sure.

But what could the cause of this unnatural phenomenon be? Perhaps a case of bad eyesight from the owner, combined with a knack for image editing? No, it couldn’t be. The ancient tree is now under the jurisdiction of The Division of Unnatural and Impossible Affairs (sorry random citizen!), more commonly known as DUIA. “Okay,” you say, “how about light? Perhaps the branches had been installed with lights, meaning there was no place for shadows to be cast!” And to you I say, dear reader; “How about the light?”

I assure you, the DUIA is very thorough with its reports. Their current theory comes from a Doctor from Western Uithus (unconfirmed source), who specialises in artificial and genetic modification of plant matter. It sounds boring, but she can only aid in our understanding of the strange and unnatural! Her theory is that the tree has mutated a genetic variation of ley lines within its roots, leaves and branches. These lines emit light at a quantum level, but cannot be severed, allowing the tree to photosynthesise at all times of the day without fail!

Now, as for whether we at the KALAMAS TIMES believe this? I leave it to you dear reader, to tune in for next week’s issue and find out for yourself!

The KALAMAS TIMESTM holds no accountability or responsibility for any cognitive damage, extremist beliefs, or deforestation caused by holders of KALAMAS accounts or memberships. Please read our inter-web page for more legal details.

Hi Ana,

It’s been a while since I sent you an ek-script, but in all honesty, things have been pretty crazy recently. Mum and Dad have rushed me to and fro from so many different clinics and hospitals I feel like I’m stuck on the set of “Emergency” or something like that - don’t worry, it’s nothing too bad. It’s not life-threatening, thankfully. Knowing you, you definitely will worry, so maybe I shouldn’t have told you this, but I think you’d be even more upset when you found out. I can’t win. Anyway, I’ll cut to the chase: I can’t feel - in the physical way.

When I touch the keys to type this message to you, I don’t feel anything pressing back. I lie in bed but don’t feel the comfort. Yesterday we had a heatwave in Finsmur, but I didn’t even notice, Mum had to tell me - I guess that’s a perk - hot days suck. I know you like hot days, but cold days are just categorically better. Although I can’t feel those either now.

I can’t feel my feet on the ground - if I closed my eyes I could be floating. I can’t feel the pitter-patter of rain. I can’t feel the needles the doctors stick into me. I can’t feel the rumble of the bass notes when I listen to “The Nightman”. I can’t feel the warmth of a bath late at night. I don’t feel the sinking feeling in my chest when I walk past Jonah’s house anymore. I can’t feel the softness of Yana’s fur, and I can’t feel the safety of Mum and Dad’s hugs.

In short, I can’t feel a lot of things. But I’m sure they’ll find what’s wrong with me pretty soon - we’ve been seeing some really good doctors. It started about a month ago - I just woke up like that. I was pretty tired so I didn’t notice at first, but it became clear what was wrong very quickly when Yana stuck her claws into my foot and I only noticed when I saw the blood.

Like I said, since then, we’ve been to all sorts of different places, but they don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’ve been perfectly healthy in the past apart from when we all came down with the flu that was going around last year, and Mum said there were no genetic problems on her side. They haven’t found any virus or anything in the tests they’ve run, and there aren’t any records of anyone with the same symptoms. It’s a bit of a mess to be honest.

Even so, we three have faith in them. Dr. Murdoch, the most recent one to take my case, has had a 100% success rate in curing people with this kind of problem. He thinks there’s something wrong with my nerve endings, but they’ll have to run a few more tests to find out.

Well, aside from that, not much has happened with us. This sort of thing takes up a lot of time! So, let me ask you a few questions: how’s uni going? Have you met anyone besides that slightly dodgy Kayla character? I hope so. What’s Galhen like? Do the people have really funny accents? Have you got us any souvenirs? If you haven’t I’m not sure I’ll be able to forgive you.

I can’t wait for the four of us to be together again when your term ends. I miss you so much - we all miss you so much.

With a wide valley full of love,

Your sister Cara.



Yo has this happened to anyone else?

All the books in my house suddenly all look the same. All the covers are red and don’t have a title, and inside there’s just writing. I mean literally just writing, nothing else. I don’t really know what to say tbh it’s literally just writing inside. I guess that’s what a book is lmao. Ignore me I smoked like 3 corms.

  • ECHOES 893
  • HUMS 123

29:76 PM · 2 Days Ago



nah it’s not just you same thing happened to me this is really weird can someone pls explain?!?!?!
  • ECHOES 623
  • HUMS 102

12:32 AM · 1 Days Ago



yh same here all my books just have writing inside theres not really any other way I can describe them
  • ECHOES 476
  • HUMS 67

06:98 AM · Today



  • ECHOES 000
  • HUMS 000




  • ECHOES 36
  • HUMS 52

23:76 PM · Today



  • ECHOES 000
  • HUMS 000



Issue 79
Charles Gondsley

It’s yet another embarrassing day for the government. The President’s incompetent gang have once more managed to screw up big-time, in a time of crisis to boot. Across the country, millions of terrified civilians sat by their silver screens, awaiting the promised announcement from the President himself, waiting for the troubling events of the past weeks to be explained to them, waiting to hear the plan. What did they receive? 7 hours of a blank white screen, along with static loud enough to wake a whole street.

It’s as if the higher-ups were spitting in the face of us, the people, as if we aren’t important enough to know. Either that, or they really don’t even know how to get a silver screen to work - I don’t know which is worse. According to the Kalamas Times, an elderly woman in Galhen stayed by the screen, eager to hear her government’s reassuring words for the whole seven hours, forgoing food and drink. This is how much the people need the support of the government, and yet time and time again it lets us down.

Only two weeks ago, when all of the inhabitants of Tarajm, a small town near the capital, suddenly forgot their names and identities, fear spread across us like the plague. “Would we be next?” was the question on everybody’s lips. “Are we safe?” The government remained silent.

Five days ago, the whole of Mount Kurdous disappeared off of the map. Gone. Where it stood was a completely flat area of stone, along with the tears of the local guides who relied on tourism to that mountain for their livelihoods. Still, the government remained silent.

Time and time again, as the crisis deepens, the government’s incompetencies are cast upwards into the light. Who among us has not been bitterly disappointed by their failures? So, my friends, next election, boot out these crooks and fools who care nothing for the health and safety of the everyday civilian, and vote Daili. Gondsley over and out!

The United Overleague issues the following statement:

“It has come to our attention that the Western Sea has completely frozen solid. The DUIA is currently performing an investigation into causes and potential ways of thawing it, but until further notice we ask that all governments ensure that their citizens do not enter within a 5 fye distance of the sea shore.

If measures are not brought into place by the 7th of Horan 13:00 JGT, the relevant governments will be sanctioned under Act 6 Par 34 of the Mensus agreement.”

Video transcript of a house viewing. Both the house and the transcript have been seized by the DUIA as well as the participants removed for questioning.


Haiken Da’yor - Potential Buyer
Areliel Thomath - Realtor


- Da’yor: “Hey Imio, this is the house I was talking about.”

[Camera is pointed towards the front of a large, suburban, semi-detached house.]

- Da’yor: “This is it, I hope. No more disappointments for us. I have a really good feeling about this one.”

[Da’yor moves across the road at a walking pace, neglecting to turn for oncoming traffic.]

- Da’yor: “There she is. I’ll hide you in here, so she doesn’t see when we’re talking.”

[Da’yor moves towards the tall woman - Areliel Thomath - standing behind an inter-mobile. He puts the camera in his front pocket, presumably out of site.]

- Da’yor: “Areliel Thomath, right? I hope I’m not too late. I’m Haiken Da’yor, hopefully future owner of this property!”

- Thomath: “Yes yes, I see your name here. How are you today? Would you like a drink? Let’s go inside and I’ll show you around.”

- Da’yor: “Gladly!”

[Thomath and Da’yor walk towards the front doors of the house. Thomath tries to open the left-hand door, but fails.]

- Thomath: “Hmph. I’m so sorry about this. It seems the maintenance crew were too responsible. They seem to have locked it up from the inside. Not quite sure how, but I’m not going to complain about diligence.”

- Da’yor: “Is there another way in?”

- Da’yor: “Sure, let’s do it!”

[Thomath and Da’yor walk around the building, keeping on the pavement, before reaching the other side of the house.]

[The door is visibly ajar, showing signs of recent use.]

-Thomath: “That’s strange, I thought they locked up. Stay here, I’ll go and take a look.”

[Thomath walks towards the door slowly and then opens it a crack before entering.]

[Da’yor waits 15 minutes before speaking.]

- Da’yor: “Where the hell is she? I’m not tight for time or anything, but this is getting rude. Oh, dear. I just realised something. I hope she’s okay.”

[Da’yor moves towards the door rapidly, swinging it open.]

- Da’yor: “What the fuck?”

A relevant notice has been attached. From the office of Gagoria Rai, senior director of the DUIA :

Usually, I wouldn’t be commenting on something this mundane. There are many causal explanations for an occurrence like this, however recently there have been many instances of a similar unnature that have come to my attention.

It has been confirmed by our Hands-On Application Squad that both participants have been recovered, despite the initial disappearance of Areliel Thamoth from the premises

There seemed to be a dissonance between viewing the inside and the outside of the house, with the outside appearing significantly smaller than the space inside would permit. In addition, all perceptions of the inside of the house through the outside windows show a run of the mill, suburban household, whilst the inside is mainly structural padding and in-progress building works.

It has also been confirmed that a specific area of the building contains a ‘Non-Information Zone,’ as dubbed by our Research Team. Thamoth’s disappearance can be attributed to this zone, wherein she could not be seen, felt or heard. It effectively acts as a static void, through which no information can be transferred.

Moreover, this is not an individual instance.

The surrounding land was in fact inhabited by a complex of seven apartment block buildings until recently, each of them replaced by identical copies of this singular house.

Please standby; I sense this is the start of something much greater than it seems.

~Snr. Dir. Gagoria Rai

Transmission from the Orbitory Space Satellite (OSS):

Hey, it’s me.

I’ll keep this short - I’ve already forwarded this to Overwatch Command, but I’d like you to see it through me.


It’s huge. You can even see it through the thick atmosphere.

I know you are all down there trying to deal with it, whilst I’m stuck up here, safe and sound. I just thought you had to know what you’re actually dealing with.


Trip (OSS-1)


That’s strange - if the transmission contains nothing it should not have been detected. I’ll try again.



Something’s not right. I am going to check the metadata.

SENT: 2043692
OMAV: ##23FA##
POS: 253459 926410 864007

This transmission appears to have been a text file of some kind, but all of the data has been removed from it. It hasn’t been corrupted along the way however, as that would leave some signs behind. The data is just gone, without any traces of edits - but there must have been a message at the start due to the metadata. Something is very, very wrong.



“Hey! Hey! C0me visit us us at Mount Kurdous! We have things! and amazing views! and smells! and sensations colours! You should definitely definitely come along its free and doesn’t cost @nything no nothing not a thing! You’ll love it so much and you’ll never ever never want to leave! Why don’t you bring your friends and family too for a great day in out in out!? come along come along come along you’ll love it I promise you can trust trust me my friend! come along and visit us you won’t regret it ha ha ha ha h h h a don’t you love mountains I know I do so you should definitely come along! come! along!
I’m talking to you over there. You. Just you. Only you. I want you to come along. Visit me. I miss you so much. We all miss you so much. come along come along come along come along”



After receiving the previous transmissions, the broadcasting region has gone silent. All that I have received are ‘empty’ transmissions.

Analysing the metadata of these transmissions reveals the following information:

- The length/size of the file.
- The date and time of transmission.
- The OMAV value.
- The position of broadcasting.

These combined datasets have allowed me to extrapolate the name and position of the planet within our database.

I have calculated the delay between my transmission and your reply - it is exceedingly large. Due to this, I have decided to travel to this location and investigate further under my own jurisdiction.

Wish me luck,


I have arrived.

The lack of gravity is disturbing.

Even within this proximity, I should be detecting some sort of gravitational signature. I haven’t.

I am checking my visual sensors now.


[Displaying image.]


I need to be as far away from here as possible. I shouldn’t have come.

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