Comments for page "A Cold Moon Sets On The Shelves"

(no title)

Wed, 18 May 2022 01:14:01 +0000

just now getting around to putting a comment on this. This was one of the first library pieces I was introduced to and part of why I got around to writing stories myself for the site. I really liked this one, well done.

(no title)

Sun, 07 Feb 2021 17:12:31 +0000

Very exciting! I like your exploration of the Library's knowledge of what is happening within itself, and its defensive capabilities.

(no title)

Sun, 31 Jan 2021 07:54:05 +0000

Eh don't be embarrassed, I was happy to help

(no title)

Thu, 28 Jan 2021 05:14:55 +0000

Damn, kind of embarrassing how many there are. But yeah, this was basically a coldpost. Thanks for pointing them out! Fixed most of them.

(no title)

Wed, 27 Jan 2021 18:55:00 +0000

Good story, big fan of your character design, but there's a good amount of SPaG errors (I'm sure due to the rushed nature of the contest), which I will point out under the cut.

SPaG

Most of the time, this works and life

Remove that comma or add a comma after 'works',

Seeing them advance, the soldiers tap a circle engraved to the chest piece of their armor, making it glow with crimson light. Same shade as the flames flickering in the Docent's lanterns.

These two sentences should definitely be combined, maybe into: 'Seeing them advance, the soldiers tap a circle engraved to the chest piece of their armor, making it glow with crimson light, the same shade as the flames flickering in the Docent's lanterns.'

Waving his hands, and a large shelf flies in front of the soldiers, s

Delete the word 'and'

"Now is not the time to consider protocol, Foundie," Sqr'lk says, serious.

I feel like the reader knows Sqr'lk is being serious at the moment, not needing the word serious added, but honestly it doesn't matter that much.

says a female voice from behind the mask as a gloved fist curls into a fist, misty, blue energy starting to pour out of it.

This sentence is very confusing, so here's my best interpretation of what should be said here: 'says a female voice from behind the mask as she curls her gloved hand into a fist and misty, blue energy begins to pour out of it.'

She clicks a button in her neck causing the helmet disintegrate and slide into the suit

I feel like 'in' should be 'on' ( that might be a preference), but 'to' definitely needs to go after 'helmet'

She smiles widely at Sqr'lk big, triangle-shaped teeth peeking out of her mouth.

This could be fixed by adding 'with' after Sqr'lk or possibly a comma after Sqr'lk (not sure)

agents told me where you are.

'where you were'

she says and puts her hand in a fist again,

'she says as she puts her hand in a fist again,'

"As much as I would like to stay and chat, catch up, and then torture you slowly until even your resilient little goblin body can't take it anymore, but unfortunately I can't give you a chance to trick yourself out of this one,

Remove 'but unfortunately'

(Obviously if you think I'm mistaken you can totally ignore whichever corrections you think I'm wrong about.)

Author Post

Tue, 26 Jan 2021 04:36:01 +0000

Super last minute post for the second prompt of Scavenger Hunt. I was super tired today and yesterday and spent the whole day sleeping, and originally wasn't planning on actually writing for the prompt. However, a few hours ago I decided I'm gonna do it anyway, and just hammered this out. I had to rush the ending a little bit and I couldn't get much critique, so this is basically a coldpost.

Also, it seems that there is a trend of the Library getting fucked up in my writing, as well as a trend of me introducing planned elements of Sqr'lk's history in these contest entries after they've already happened. Basically, all of the mentioned events with the Delegates and the Consortium are things I planned a long time ago, and have been meaning to write into articles, but never found the time. So hopefully, these things will be expanded upon and explained a little bit more in the future.

Thanks to UncertaintyCrossing for brainstorming help, as well as for lending me his character, Basar.