Comments for page "Dino Spy"

(no title)

Thu, 06 Jan 2022 01:43:33 +0000

that's a good thing always continue to grow and change not just in writing but as a person. Your writing will be better off for it too. (That's how it worked for me anyways) :)

(no title)

Thu, 16 Dec 2021 07:15:53 +0000

Thank you for your honest review. I'll use this to improve my future stories.

I understand where you're coming from with the dinosaur stuff. Snozzi told him "everything" because she felt like it wouldn't make a difference considering the remaining time they had. But it's on me for not being clear enough; I can see how that feels unearned.

Regardless, thank you for reading!

(no title)

Wed, 15 Dec 2021 04:52:15 +0000

Unfortunately, the wording here is super grating to read. The dialogue is very clunky as is the narration. Most of it either doesn't flow well or is a run-on sentence. It doesn't feel like a story, more like a new sentence, one after the other. The thing I always suggest, because it can be hard to discern when just reading, is to read the sentences out loud to see if they work.

When it comes to the story itself, it doesn't feel like you utilized the fact these characters are dinosaurs enough. Replace the lock picking scene with a paperclip instead of a claw, and these could just be humans. There's nothing here to really distinguish them other than saying what they are. Additionally, when it comes to the mystery aspect of the piece, it doesn't feel earned. We were told about her donating to charity and having a party, and then she just tells this guy everything? Why??? It's not like he'll be banned from talking once the police take him.

Unfortunately, since both the writing and the story just don't do it for me, I have to -1