Comments for page "Once in a lifetime commute"

(no title)

Mon, 27 Mar 2023 16:51:00 +0000

I'm gonna have to agree with Maxy and Snapdragon on this one, with the additional comment that it feels a bit too short for the emotional part to work properly. It's a good concept, with some parts executed fantastically, but overall, it earns a novote from me.

(no title)

Sun, 26 Mar 2023 02:34:19 +0000

Not sure how to feel about this piece. Granted, you can only die in a car crash once, which can be a rare thing in its own right, but car crashes happen all the time. People, unfortunately, die all the time. Being part of the 'rare' theme, I would've liked to have seen something more to really set it apart

(no title)

Sat, 25 Mar 2023 01:12:22 +0000

I'm very conflicted about this piece, and mostly echo Maxy's thoughts about it. There are some good metaphors, turns of phrase in here that I appreciated (the one about the dad particularly lol), but what's presented here is a very literal interpretation of the events occurring imo. This is especially true with the driver out-right stating the reason he's gotten into this situation in the "Someone else floored…" paragraph. It just feels like it could've used a bit more time in the oven. I've also novoted

(no title)

Fri, 24 Mar 2023 21:09:46 +0000

Hmmm, I'm… Not sure how to feel about this one. I think it's too reductive of a style for me liking, I'm afraid. It's an interesting concept, and the way it's written is also neat, but I dunno, there's something about it that just felt very uninspired. It's too bland 'lore' wise for me to really get anything that I haven't seen before almost word-for-word.

Novote, because I don't think it's a bad piece, but it's just not for me.

(no title)

Tue, 21 Mar 2023 18:37:21 +0000

Brutal. That's as much praise I could give such a delightful little piece that made me wonder if it was even meant to be on Team Rare before crashing down on me with full realization. Absolutely fantastic.

(no title)

Sun, 19 Mar 2023 16:43:04 +0000

Click for Review!

—Oli

Score	Area	Comments:
6	Imagery	Could use work, but not detrimental.
6	Theme	I liked this! Nice stuff, echoing Stiggy.
5	Flow	This flows like a car-crash, which is good.
4	Format	Lacking, but not horrid.
Total: 21

(no title)

Sat, 18 Mar 2023 22:20:20 +0000

I'll remember this contest entry for a while — love how there's a fakeout about which side of the contest it is for.

One of the things I love here is how here you employ banality, and that you explore what makes that banality extraordinary. Normally, this wouldn't quite work for the side of the contest you were placed in, but you proved you could do it with this: one of the most normal things, statistically, and one of the most unique things, personally: a car crash. You've taken a car crash and added how normal everything prior to it feels, how distinct things are only because the character was paying attention — and not — in that moment. Delicious. I appreciate how you kept the ending vague, too, and how you never told us that they were distracted, but implied it with their thoughts: they were changing the radio, focusing on the traffic, being annoyed by the history of potholes — anything but paying attention to the road. Well done, Lash.

This tastes like american cheese baking into craggy black asphalt. Distinct, rubbery, forever.

-Styg