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		<title>Crit Request: Eleanor and the Stranger</title>
		<link>http://wanderers-library.wikidot.com/forum/t-16458637/crit-request:eleanor-and-the-stranger</link>
		<description>Posts in the discussion thread &quot;Crit Request: Eleanor and the Stranger&quot; - A businesswoman is approached by a weird humanoid entity with an even weirder offer.</description>
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		<lastBuildDate>Thu, 11 Jun 2026 17:00:24 +0000</lastBuildDate>
		
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				<guid>http://wanderers-library.wikidot.com/forum/t-16458637#post-6252857</guid>
				<title>Re: Crit Request: Eleanor and the Stranger</title>
				<link>http://wanderers-library.wikidot.com/forum/t-16458637/crit-request:eleanor-and-the-stranger#post-6252857</link>
				<description></description>
				<pubDate>Wed, 22 Nov 2023 05:56:47 +0000</pubDate>
				<wikidot:authorName>AKAM80</wikidot:authorName>				<wikidot:authorUserId>7259044</wikidot:authorUserId>				<content:encoded>
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						 <p>Howdy! Thought I'd stop by and see what's what.</p> <div class="collapsible-block"> <div class="collapsible-block-folded"><a class="collapsible-block-link" href="javascript:;">+&nbsp;Reminds&nbsp;me&nbsp;a&nbsp;lot&nbsp;of&nbsp;a&nbsp;book&nbsp;store&nbsp;I&nbsp;went&nbsp;to&nbsp;in&nbsp;New&nbsp;Orleans&nbsp;once.</a></div> <div class="collapsible-block-unfolded" style="display:none"> <div class="collapsible-block-unfolded-link"><a class="collapsible-block-link" href="javascript:;">-&nbsp;Less&nbsp;mystic&nbsp;though.&nbsp;Lot&nbsp;less.&nbsp;Actually,&nbsp;it&nbsp;was&nbsp;completely&nbsp;normal&nbsp;except&nbsp;for&nbsp;the&nbsp;sex&nbsp;cultist&nbsp;who&nbsp;was&nbsp;sitting&nbsp;outside.</a></div> <div class="collapsible-block-content"> <p>I'll start off with this note: having read it, I don't think you need the content warnings. You don't go into detail, only briefly mentioning them, and even admonishing them. I think you're fine.</p> <p>Anyways.</p> <blockquote> <p>or the odd clothes they wear, or their strange body</p> </blockquote> <p>Why are their clothes strange? Why is their body strange? My mind demands sweet, succulent prose! Detail!</p> <blockquote> <p>and a plain, transparent door. It reads:</p> </blockquote> <p>I'd say something about a sign or a plaque, as is it suggests that the words are painted (or even carved) directly onto the door. If they actually are, elaborate a bit. (i.e. &quot;Black vinyl lettering on it reads:&quot;)</p> <blockquote> <p>between the forefinger and thumb</p> </blockquote> <p>The &quot;the&quot; doesn't work here all that well. Either add some extra detail, like saying something like &quot;squeezed between the store's forefinger and thumb,&quot; or just change &quot;the&quot; to &quot;a.&quot;</p> <blockquote> <p>or the room was pulled at as if it were cheap cloth.</p> </blockquote> <p>I'd toss in a casual &quot;that&quot; before &quot;the room.&quot;</p> <blockquote> <p>Punch, kick, scream, run, throw, fight, FIGHT, FIGHT!</p> </blockquote> <p>More of a personal preference, but I think you should italicize these since they're the vocalizations of her thoughts.</p> <blockquote> <p>Yet, perhaps it is curiosity that killed the cat–or kidnapped the Eleanor–for she is quiet</p> </blockquote> <p>I kinda want you to build a bit on this more, maybe a sentence or two sprinkled in about curiosity gradually replacing the fear.</p> <blockquote> <p>And that is how Eleanor Holland met her wife.</p> </blockquote> <p>You have a line between this and the previous paragraph and I'm here to be a Ronald Reagan to your Mikhail Gorbachev, take that sucker down! Let the sentence still be it's own paragraph, but nix the line, flows weird and it'd look better without it.</p> <p>Overall thoughts: I actually really like this. It's short but it has a lot of character and I think the ending, while brief, fits perfectly with the piece and was just very nice.</p> <p>The formatting in places was a bit whack, I'd prefer some more room to breathe between spaced out paragraphs (i.e. actually having spaces between line breaks, <em>especially</em> with dialogue.)</p> <p>Of course, I'm no master of the arts, so take all of these crits with as much salt as you want. Ignore or implement as you see fit.</p> <p>Keep up the good work, good luck!</p> </div> </div> </div> 
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				<guid>http://wanderers-library.wikidot.com/forum/t-16458637#post-6249786</guid>
				<title>Crit Request: Eleanor and the Stranger</title>
				<link>http://wanderers-library.wikidot.com/forum/t-16458637/crit-request:eleanor-and-the-stranger#post-6249786</link>
				<description></description>
				<pubDate>Fri, 17 Nov 2023 23:07:24 +0000</pubDate>
				<wikidot:authorName>Maricellia</wikidot:authorName>				<wikidot:authorUserId>8177091</wikidot:authorUserId>				<content:encoded>
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						 <p>Heya, I wrote this piece that's been brewing in my head over the course of about an hour. Any and all critiques are welcome.<br /> It's a story about a businesswoman who meets an entity offering the ability to magically meet people, witness events, go to places, or the like. No one knows how they do it, they just&#8230;do.</p> <p>Content warnings: very brief mention of slavery and human trafficking.</p> <p>Thank you so much in advance for reading and/or critiquing!</p> <p>Sandbox link: <a href="http://wanderers-sandbox.wikidot.com/maricellia">http://wanderers-sandbox.wikidot.com/maricellia</a></p> 
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