well the dude's language still breaks my suspension of disbelief a little, but i think some of his new ravings are easier to chalk up to effects of the book, so on the whole i would say this works a bit better. you didn't mess up what i liked about the first draft, at any rate. reach out to some more people for advice.

I've never read the Book of Sand, but upon scanning its Wikipedia page I found it hilarious how similar my work ended up being with it. All that means is that this infinite book is apparently already in the cultural zeitgeist, so it wouldn't be too difficult for me to take it one step further, which I'll be sure to play around with. Maybe something psychedelic. Philosophical. IDK, we'll see.

I was worried the narration would be too much. It's a symptom of works that I've read recently, and I really prefer writing in a setting that isn't too alien. So, I'll likely keep it modern setting and do as you recommended, keep it colloquial and cut down on the dashes.

- Skylar

my foremost criticism has to do with the narration: in a relatively modern setting, i just can't believe that a college-aged guy would talk like this. his way of speaking borrows too much from poe's narrator without accounting for the difference in setting, and it takes me out of the story. i think the whole thing would work a lot better if his language was more colloquial, and the use of dashes was cut down a bit. besides that, i think this is pretty effective.

Thank you :)

http://wanderers-sandbox.wikidot.com/the-looming