Deserters Drop

This seems possessive. Deserters'/Deserter's Drop

Deserters drop lay at

Capitalization check!

stop here for 2 days.

I am an endless advocate for spelling out most numbers. Of course, this is ultimately a you choice, but I think it looks way better (and I will judge you personally if you keep it as it is.)

Two days

Okay see you spelled it out here. Gotta keep it consistent.

Those of the outpost refused the caravan. Fighting like savages to ensure no caravaner took up lodging in their precious gorge. Forcing the caravan to sleep in the elements outside the safety of the earth.

I'm putting in my official recommendation to turn this into one sentence, replacing the period after "gorge" with a comma.

find peace, someday..

Watch your periods!

They probably wouldn't even let the caravan through to the pass if they weren't so well compensated.

Is this not exactly what the point of the deal is— according to the narrator? Why say it like a hypothetical if Aaron believes it so vehemently?

Each onewas tightly

Ava already pointed it out but I'm also pointing it out because caravan is very close to bandwagon

Each onewas tightly packed against the side of the gorge. Leaving scarce precious room to move.

Filing another "make it one sentence with a comma" complaint

His legs burned with the effort. Not only finding a suitable stepping spot, but to do so quietly.

A similar complaint, but different enough that I need to elaborate. Something akin to "… burned with the effort of not only finding a suitable stepping spot, but also to do so quietly." would read a lot more smoothly imo

Awkwardly sliding off the slope, Aaron collapsed back to the solid ground. Nursing his sore legs in the shadows as he looked up at his target.

Again, a place where the period feels like a jolt to read. I'm beginning to suspect style, in which case pop off king or whatever the hip phrase is I guess. But it is something I notice, jumps out to me nearly every time. I'll stop mentioning them, just know they exist and that I see them.

Skulls, fangs and horns of creatures

I'm also the Oxford Comma's strongest warrior.

family of three makes their way

Tense check!

the mandible of A Scithi Tzic warrior

Capitalization check!

base of the center mast..

Period check!

not there were only

"not" —> "now"

wipe out deserters drop.

Capitalization check!

he amassed 5 pots by the

You already know my feelings

Deserters' drop would be empty

Capitalization check and further evidence for my "it seems possessive" comment!

dumped the body and took one last look at the body.

I'd nix the second "body" for something like "it". Feels repetitive.

Overall, I personally didn't mind the pacing I thought it worked.