Fifth Elrichian National Party Manifest

IV.

Among the pledges and promises of our Party (see section II., On the Various Reasons the King Should Perhaps Consider Legalising The Fourth And Sixth Elrichian National Parties), we wish to make simple, straightforward and reasonable oaths to the lords, aristocrats, monarchs and mages that will be voting for us. As such, we present our manifesto. Here, in short, simple terms, are the changes to the state of the country we promise to make upon being allowed a candidate.

New assurances will be added as they are proposed, remembered, found or instilled in the receptive.

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• Facial hair caught in public without a host will be charged with public indecency. The owner of the culprit hair will lose all rights to cultivate beards, moustaches or similar growths, and the hair itself will be fined.

• Remembering strangers on Social War Memorial Days will become a punishable offense.

• The defacing of vegetables will be responded to by various actions depending on the type of vegetable. The graffiti of celeries and similar greens will be prohibited under penalty of death.

• Kings must serve at least three months before being assassinated.

• When a merchant sells his goods in the eastern markets of Trapier, he is to be taxed six halfcenth for every good sold.

• All Ministers of the Cark-Suvian Treasury must wear an appropriately coloured pointed hat to denote the significance of their position. Accepted colours are limited to bright purple, pink or stripes of blue and violet. Green clothing is restricted to Ministers of the Wardrobe and of Festivities.

• Schoolboy tax will be extended up to the age of twenty-one. Schoolgirl tax will not be extended.

• Alcoholic drinks are to be consumed only at the following occasions: birthdays, funerals, graduations, births (whether citizen or livestock), races, marksmanship competitions and suicides. Failed suicides may be marked by cider.

• The wives of husbands killed by the rabid pet of a cousin’s mistress will finally be allowed to seek compensation.

• Loafsomeness in the king's court will no longer be a capital offense, and will only be for 20 years in his personal dungeon.

• Wizards are to be granted the same striking rights as all other labourers.

• Socks and sock-related accessories are banned from National Democratic Council meetings.

• Adventurers will be made to present evidence when claiming self-defense as justification for the killing of a city guard.

• Eggs, milk, biscuits

• A full dinner cauldron.

• Failure to respond to census letters on the part of celestial bodies will be punishable by a minor fine.

• A greater proportion of tax funding will be provided to doctors and medical practitioners. Making sure that doctors have enough gagging cloth to prevent surgery being overly unpleasant is and should be a top priority.

• Steps will be taken to prevent the poor and - in some cases - absent education of open flames from continuing. These will include introducing young flames to informative and enlightening texts such as all those that oppose the intentions and policies of the Fifth Elrichian National Party.

• Any royal subject found to have avoided service in their local militia is to be sentenced to 1 year as a commanding officer's footstool. Exceptional service as a footstool is to be given normal militia accolades.

• Felines are not permitted to run for local or national level offices. Canines may serve in limited capacity at local offices, but only with an attending Barkomancer to guide them.

• Should any townsfolk with a rat infestation fail to pay the copper piece price for asking for help on the town notice board, they shall have more and bigger rats sent to their home.

• Passing of gas without proper noise-cancelling lederhosen and undergarments during a funeral will be punished with two days of house arrest.

• Dynamic-earthers will no longer be allowed to spread their oceanographic propaganda throughout cities worshiping oceans with specific boundaries, and the offenders will be sacrificed to oceans decided in the spur of the moment.

• Any air-rocket-prototypes cannot be launched without an assured popping sound that reaches townsfolk at least 3 furlongs away, and is punishable with deafness.

• Sorcerers and summoners must be allowed to use the bathroom facilities of any public building, even if a mirror is present.

• Use of guerrilla warfare against gorillas, silverback or otherwise, is now punishable by permanent removal from the king's army.

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