Forever Exploring, Going Nowhere

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Tatha, a name I have thought up to give myself.
I do not know who will ever hear that name in
this empty space I float in called
a void.

I hear my voice echo, but there no walls
for it to do so.
I cannot see myself either,
nor can I see anyone else.

I have strange glowing orbs to keep me company.
I do not know what they are.

They keep visiting me at random times,
at random moments,
hovering.

I do not know how long it takes for them to visit me,
nor do I know if time really is something in this plane.
I just know that they come and then go.

I do not know who sends the orbs,
or how they manifest into my presence.

But, I know they show me my world,
My Earth.
And I get to see how it's grown.

The first time I grabbed an orb and watched through it,
I saw a city street.
It was bustling with cars I have never seen when I was there.

I grabbed another after some time, and I was shown a nice park with
couples sitting by the trees,
and people walking through the soft green grass.

Then another, I saw children playing at the playground,
giggling with joy as they went down the slides
and swung on the swings.

Then another, I was watching a beautiful wedding with
a groom and a bride, their family and friends all gathered
for that wonderful day.

There's so many things that I see through these orbs
that I'll probably never truly see.

It's awfully bittersweet to watch them.
But in the end, they always remind of where I am.

An empty space, with just me.


It's an awful, horrible reminder.
I wish it reminded me of something else.
Like, of who I was-

But they never do.
Because I can't recall who I was,
what I did, or what I had.

Though, I remember snippets of my loving family.

I remember my cute little brother, and I recall his small pet dog.
I remember my parents. Oh, how caring they were, tolerating me every day.
But, I can't remember me.

It's an indescribable feeling.
One that I hope no other must have to feel.

Feeling forgotten,
and the feeling you'll never see the people that you once
saw every day. But now - you just don't see anyone,
not even yourself.

. . .

I can't remember how long I've been in here.
Time — is something I often forget.

Every second, nothing changes, but me.
Though I cannot perceive myself,
I can still feel like I always have.
And I feel like I'm never going to get out of here.

I've come to learn that
anything I do, it will never change where I am.

I keep trying to do something, to change something,
I try something new to try and leave, again, and again, and again, but they never work…

That's what insanity is, is it not?
If so,

it scares me.

I don't want to go insane.
The thought of losing my mind,
it brings me terror.

I don't want to disappear.
But I already have, haven't I?
I'm stuck, and I cannot leave,
no matter how much I plead.

I can't see my mom,

my dad,

my brother,

anyone.

I just want to see them again.
I miss them,
but do they miss me?

I don't think I'll ever get the answer to that,
I haven't seen or heard anyone in this place.
There's no one to talk to,
and no one to get answers from,

just me, and me alone.
Floating endlessly, I often wonder if I'll ever see anything else
than what those orbs show me.

. . .

Is this where I belong?

It truly feels like It does.
I hope that's not the case…

I cling onto false hopes, desperately
aspiring for the touch of another.

These strange orbs give me small faith,
but when they end, they disappear into the darkness right in my hands.

Every time I watch from these orbs,
I feel like I can go home.

It's a feeling that I crave to endure.

But once they depart, every breathing moment I have in this abyss,
I feel as though I'm getting farther and farther from home…

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