There Should Be a Marker

Summary:

Protagonist is sad about tree

There Should Be a Marker

Marshal_Forth 27 Jan 2019 20:26

Hello! I was hoping to get some feedback about a story I have written, which can be found here:

http://wanderers-sandbox.wikidot.com/marshal-forth-s-sandbox

I was trying to get across the idea that this tree was a manifestation of a Platonic Universal, with maybe some Gnostic undertones in there. Hopefully that comes across well.

General critique and styling advice would be appreciated. This is my first post here, if I'm doing anything terribly wrong, let me know!

Re: There Should Be a Marker

(account deleted) 28 Jan 2019 15:51

I quite liked it and would be happy to upvote it. It's a nice little story, and one that raises other questions about the presence of other Capital-T Things in the Library as well. In terms of overall style, it seems good, although I think some of the larger paragraphs could be broken up a bit to provide better flow.

If I had to give a critique, it feels a bit lopsided, with the story such as it is being totally backloaded to the final 1/3 of the text, which makes it feel rushed. If you wanted to, I would suggest starting the story a bit earlier, then working in details about the tree as the Bookburners do their thing.

Overall, though, quite impressive for a first post, and looking forward to seeing this on the main site.