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Downvote for now as the wall of text formatting just made this too difficult to read, what I was able to get through had some promise as a fairy tale/fable type story but in its present state I couldn't will myself to the end. Would be happy to reconsider and change my vote if I'm able to read through the whole thing without the early onset of a headache setting in after the first section.
Whether you like it or not, history is on our side. We will bury you!
That's fair, I don't have much experience with formatting on this site
fixed it up, you were right, looks a lot better
I found this to be tremendously fun now. Please remove your self-upvote though, we don't allow that here.
Whether you like it or not, history is on our side. We will bury you!
also fair, thanks
one more thing though, I'm planning on writing multiple sequels to this about the Kings that come after and the eventual fall of the Kingdom, and then an SCP about the Foundation finding what's left of it, I just want to know if you think this could actually work if done well?
I think this works well as a stand-alone piece but I would definitely be interested in a GoT but plants style of story.
Whether you like it or not, history is on our side. We will bury you!
you're in for a treat then when we get to King Flame
Oh yeah so do I need to tell you guys which shelf I want it in? because if I do I would prefer Pangur since that seems to make the most sense
Edit: I've finished the sequel: http://wanderers-library.wikidot.com/are-we-one goes over the reign of King Shield and his struggles to keep the Kingdom together with the death of it's unifier
This is interesting. I like the main character, and the setting seems cool, though I would like to see it elaborated on a bit more. Rather than "GoT with some plant stuff", it'd be cool to push it far and see how much having plants instead of humans really shapes the world and the implications of it. I am a bit worried about having too many "like earth but it's run by inanimate objects" stories/settings on the site, but I'm sure if it becomes a problem it will self-correct.
Other than that, the prose needs work. It's fairly dry, and a lot of the times the sentences run-on, especially in dialogue. A lot of them could be split up into multiple parts. I'd also recommend checking back over for typos, there were a large amount.
Still, +1
Like I said I plan on expanding A LOT on this world, I'll check the piece for errors and run ons like you said, thanks for the feedback
Edit: I've finished the sequel: http://wanderers-library.wikidot.com/are-we-one goes over the reign of King Shield and his struggles to keep the Kingdom together with the death of it's unifier
