Chapter 2: For Mirth

Summary:

I don’t really remember how to do this.

Chapter 2: For Mirth

Bryx 24 May 2019 05:13

http://wanderers-sandbox.wikidot.com/bryx

Hey there, I’m writing a story, coming immediately after Chapter 1, found here. It’s only about halfway finished yet, it’s already fairly long and I’d like to know if it’s on the right track. If the characters are clearly defined, if it’s too rambling, if I should be rewriting this whole thing from scratch and holy crap this site has become so beautiful. Not a clue how the shelves are organized. Look forward to finding out.

Re: Chapter 2: For Mirth

Avelon21 16 Jul 2019 02:50

Sorry for the late reply; lots of school things were happening, but I had read it then and liked the idea and the presentation of both of your stories so far.

To start, the characters are good, and the dialogue keeps the reader's interest. However, I find that a few of your transitions can be a little overdone and find myself rushing ahead for the dialogue. Specifically, the third paragraph in the first part and the second paragraph in the second part are a little unnecessary.

As someone who occasionally has an issue with including more than enough detail or too little, I hope that you can work out some of the longer texts in your second tale. Good luck, and I am excited to see what you have in mind next!