"Banter" (new story) - Looking for critique

Summary:

A short tale I wrote after being dissatisfied with my prior attempts. Part of Chronicle of Ulak the Drifter's universe.

"Banter" (new story) - Looking for critique

Din-Bidor 15 Oct 2019 20:11

Hello. I've completed a first draft for a brief tale. It's the first time I write this much relying mostly on dialogue, so I want to make sure I get it right. Hope not to make it sound too forced or contrieved.
Thanks for all your help!
Here's the link:
http://wanderers-sandbox.wikidot.com/chronicle-of-ulak-the-drifter

Re: "Banter" (new story) - Looking for critique

rumetzen 16 Oct 2019 04:08

Like Terran-Imperial Relationships, I feel like this has a solid writing and premise, but feel like it can dive into too much exposition, especially in the early descriptions of the bar and some of the dialogue. I'd like to feel more character and less history. It also feels like it drags. About halfway through, and I'm still not exactly sure what the point is or where the overall story is heading. The length could easily be cut down and the main story brought much more into focus over the history/worldbuilding.

Last edited on 16 Oct 2019 04:19 by rumetzen Show more