I really like the part where the story of the T.S. Barren is described, giving a sort of mysterious/wonder vibe when all is done. I felt that the jawbreaker analogy dragged a bit (it is a little bit unnecessary, especially with how the tone of the first part of the story is structured), but everything flowed together in the end. Do you plan on writing anything else set in this storyline ? I honestly think it would be interesting to see some dialogue from the crew members; either way, this stands well-enough on its own, so +1.
Also, is this a document/report ? If it were, it would need the document or report tag.