The Night Eternal (Draft)

Summary:

A poem about a "man" in the dark.

The Night Eternal (Draft)

Doorhandle 06 Feb 2020 05:00

A (slightly?) narrative poem about an entity's plan to escape its prison.

The link to the draft can be found here:
http://wanderers-sandbox.wikidot.com/doorhandle

My main concerns about it are:

• Is it too short?
• Are the coloured text a bit too pretentious?
• Do the lines need rewording?

I thank you in advance.

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What is just fiction and what is the truth?

Re: The Night Eternal (Draft)

Avelon21 07 Feb 2020 13:29

I love this !

1) It is not too short.
2) The coloured text adds good detail, in my opinion. Just make sure to double-check for consistency to give the message you want.
3) I don't think the lines need much rewording. There is nothing in particular that I would fix, except some of the rhyming lines near the end of the poem, in which the end words look the same at the end, but are not actually pronounced the same. However, I still like it, and the varying structure it gives near the end, since it helps add more dramatic tone.

Make sure to source the image in the discussion when you finally post, even if you need to credit yourself.

Do you have any other questions ?

Re: The Night Eternal (Draft)

Doorhandle 07 Feb 2020 14:34

Thanks for the feedback! I'll make sure to source the picture (a little thing I made).

No, I don't think I have anymore questions, though I'll see what I can do to improve it. I might post it in a few minutes, who knows?

With thanks,

Doorhandle

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What is just fiction and what is the truth?

Last Post

Doorhandle 07 Feb 2020 14:51

Hello good sir,

I am here to note that it has been posted to the site:
http://wanderers-library.wikidot.com/the-night-eternal

I would like to thank you for sparing your time to give it some feedback, and I wish you a good day or night, whenever you manage to receive this.

With gratitude,

Doorhandle

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What is just fiction and what is the truth?