Hello!
Y’ae here 'cause o' th' title o' me tale, aren’t ye? Quite an enticin' hook int’ it?
It's not really that much of a hook. Consider changing the title a bit, or removing this part altogether.
I think his name was Rougefoot
How would you not know the captain of the ship you work for? This would only make sense if the name was entirely foreign (Rougepied).
However, we payed no mind 'n dropped th' sails. Th' other deckhands told me green clouds meant that a tornado was nigh, but they assured me 'twas fine…
I find it hard to believe that the captain was so stupid as to allowing them to sail into a hurricane, and I think more reasoning/explanation to help the scenario flow better would help. Even the deckhands being that stupid doesn't make much sense, but I guess it is feasible enough…
Nearin' th' edge o' th' clearin
What are you describing here?
QUESTIONS, COMMENTS, & CONCERNS
Remember that you can only have one sandbox. You will have to keep on using this one, so I recommend renaming it to something that won't change much, like your username.
Regarding the content of the story…I like the overall concept, but I don't like the ending very much. It seems cut down quite a bit, and leaves too many gaps regarding the encounter. I recommend adding a detailed dialogue scene before the end, or at least some more narration to describe what had happened after the ship was burned and rebuilt.
In accordance with what I just mentioned, I think you should at least hint at Babshe's intentions more clearly. Like what does this mean:
If Babashe was th' Queen o' Flame, then she would 'ave wanted me t' be th' Kin'
Aside from that, the first half was good, and that last line and the concept of the ending is good. I also like the language—how'd you decide to write pirate-speak like that?
Reply with your thoughts/questions.
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