thanks for reading. enjoy ♥
Like all your other pieces, this article oozes character, a good character at that. While his cockiness makes him somewhat punchable, his inherent moral sensibilities and skill at what he does makes me adore him, and want to follow him through this dead city. And oh, what a dead city! Fantastic descriptive language, here, and an interesting conflict. I assume this to be an introduction of things to come, so I'm eager to see how it unfolds, but even alone I love it. +1.
Mm Mm Good
You're obviously very good at writing it, but the smugly cynical internal monologue could do with being a touch less constant I think. It's fun to read, but it starts to feel grating and incessant after a bit. Plus it makes for a fairly shallow character who responds to everything with the exact same attitude. Still upvoting for the sheer quality of writing here though, even if I have some quibbles with the higher level stuff.
i have to completely disagree with your assessment of the main character here. the story reads a lot like a fantasy noir, kind of like Perdido Street Station. obviously this character is a bit hard-boiled as a result, but nowhere near to the point where they come off as persistently smug. i don't actually think any of the piece actually counts as "inner monologuing;" a lot of things happen in this story, and a lot of intrigue, while the main character is simply the narrator. that narration also doesn't really feel reducible to just "cynicism"—as an example, take the lines:
I look around me, to the pure, beautiful shadows, cast by stones and architecture and designs older and more profound than I could ever know. And I make them a promise.
these lines don't display smugness, they display reverence. i don't think this is shallow at all; actually i'd say this character and setting show a lot of depth; an interplay of adult conviction and childish wonder, which is a characteristic of great fantasy noir.
Maybe "internal monologue" is the wrong term, but the narration of the main character is very quippy and not serious for the vast majority of this. Which is by no means inherently an issue, I just found myself wanting a bit more of a sense of what this guy actually cares about to give me something to relate to. Part of it might just be the lack of any sort of meaningful challenge to the main character at any point, beyond the portal at the end being vaguely puzzling. Or maybe noir just isn't my thing, that's also possible.
I really enjoyed Marsh's characterization here as well as the highly sensory-driven prose. Marsh's internal dialogue was amusing and as elogee said, he's kind of a smug guy but he's a capable one so he can definitely walk the walk. i really enjoyed your description of morgue city, i could feel the energy of the place you were describing. my only complaint is that the story feels a little rushed towards the end.
but overall an excellent entry with an excellent character.
ETA: Perhaps smug is the wrong word. Maybe just confident will do. I think confident is the better word here.
Was excited when I saw the title, and even more excited to read the story underneath it. I love Marsh's character so much, and the worldbuilding is awesome too
Ah, I finally had time to read this, and it didn't disappoint. I absolutely loved it, it was right up my alley. I want more of this guy.
Just kidding. It was Fritos and a light beer, because OKOLAK didn’t deserve any respect.
I have to say I laughed out loud really, really hard at this part. As always you never fail to impress. I really love the descriptions you did of Morgue City, as well as Marsh's character. His monologues and descriptions are really good and show extremely well what kind of character he is, I specially adore how snarkily cocky he is. Man I wanna know more about him and read his adventures.
Amazing as always Sludge! Keep the excelent work up ^^