Yes, this is my typical comment thanking you for reading, and thanking my team for helping me and being super patient with me. Love ya guys.
STOPPPP, these endings are killing meeeee.
But yeah, that was great! Narrative was a bit slow and I wish we had heard more of the actual anomalous artefacts themselves, but this was a nice showcase of Planasthai's inner workings and Duke's character.
I was actually screaming inside by the end, what the fuck is Duke doing?! I guess I can't complain about him taking drugs on the job since it seems to be something he does a lot, but why, just.. why.
-Wanderheil
I do have to agree that the piece was rather slow, but the trip at the end more than makes up for it. It felt very 'Fear and Loathing'-esque, especially with that last part's fuck-up of sorts. Gonna be interesting to see how Dule and R'lek get outta this one.
It was also interesting to see R'lek as a character: More endearing than I thought. Also Duke and his jealousy; I like his view on journalism a lot, it's refreshing, especially as it conflicts with his views on essentially everything else.
+1~
Echoing the comments above mine, a little slow at places, but the realism of the characters and their actions more than made up for it. Getting to see more of R'lek and Duke has made their characters grow on me more, and now I am quite worried about how the hell they're going to male their way out of this mess, haha. I also like the cast of side characters and their unique designs - such as the fishbowl dude for example. Just small details like that add to the otherworldly feel this setting has. Well done, another plus one!
But the time flies, irretrievable.
#9
I think this one could use another language pass. I noticed some missed punctuation and generally stilted/run-on sentences. Nothing that destroyed the experience or anything, just common enough to stick out. Anyway, besides that, I generally agree with all said already - slightly slow near the start, but once it picks up, it's very fun. Lots of subtle worldbuilding that tightened it up and I'm enjoying the classic buddy-cop dynamic between R'lek and Duke so far, can see that carrying this a while. Nice stuff, just needs a fine-tooth comb to be the best it can be.
This had me laughing a few times.
Especially "Especially because he said Us, which I found oddly enough", worked so well here!
His changing colors are also most appreciated from my Furry perspective because this is an abt play with anthropomorphism.
The character portraits are the best ones so far in my opinion. Duke is still the arrogant pessimist, but he's jealous of people with a lighter mood regardless and that gives him more depth. I also like how R'lek is actually attempting to make it work, not trying to pick at his colleague.
What I find interesting from a meta-perspective is that Duke doesn't seem to consider a legitimate critique of MC&D itself here. If they host inter-dimensional guests, it should be widely known what kind of business they sometimes deal in, along with the moral implications. Your character depiction of Duke makes it look as though he really wants to focus on the bad things, yet stays superficial there himself. The very thing he accuses R'lek of. Instead, he's focusing on some artists rather than the social circumstances he allegedly cares about so much. Even if the editorial wants something specific, there should be space for some legit commentary, I imagine.
That's not a critique from my side, I think that's very intriguing! A moment where Duke is probably the worst journalist in the room in actuality because he's fuming over his situation.
This is most definitely a +1!
All the best
- Nylo