Hm. Just like with the King of Cats, there is an interesting core here, but too many things happen really fast for any of them to have a strong punch to them. The first half is fairly slow, and we get some things here and there that feel odd. I will make no comment on the grey man nor Ruth being the only people there, for Ruth could have more meaning in the second part past just interjecting a point that feels rather unnecessary.
The second half, arriving from Swinside onwards, also feels weird, with the grey man feeling extremely inconsistent for the sake of the advancement of the plot. Same with the introduction of Cruz, to then revealing the pact thing, to then revealing the grandson of a pact builder being part of the DTC. It's a lot in very little time, making each twist mean less than the previous one.
Considering this story will be divided into two parts, I would recommend dividing this already-existing tale into two, one the train until exiting it, and the second the rest, and expanding upon each so that the second part can be explored in a better way. As it stands, it's too disorganized and feels like it was crushed into a shorter tale, making it a difficult to digest read.
So yeah, I think this is a downvote, sorry. A good concept, but it needs more time to be pulled off. I recommend looking over this one after the contest is over!
