Stories About Power / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page Stories About Power.

Snapdragon133 21 Nov 2021 05:07

+ SPaG

Normally I wouldn’t have given the man two glances but I’d had the feeling it would get me laid tonight. Already I knew it’d been stupid.

This isn't SPaG, but these two sentences really weirded me out. The first doesn't feel like it fits at all in that section, and the second doesn't really seem to make sense coming directly after the first.

which meant I didn’t I want this bro

Delete the second "I"

if I wanted to come to see

This read weird, I'd get rid of the second "to"

The title tells it all, really. These all were very well-written, tbh I didn't feel the first one fit with the other three, but I do still think works with the central theme. Not sure how to put it into words. Anywho, +1!

Muse Hill 21 Nov 2021 10:42

Superb writing! I just wanted to add that I think the first story did fit well as it was the most subtle exploration of power (he's only nice to the homeless guy because he thinks it will impress his libidinal interest), as well as the surreal imagery of the sun disappearing. This day-night contrast appears again in both subsequent stories, making a nice thread of continuity running through the set.

LAN 2D 05 Dec 2021 23:59

These were all engaging and very well written. I admit I hesitated to read this because of the paragraphs being quite dense, but after reading, I realise the formatting is purposeful - it makes the individual stories that much more punchy and fast-paced. Once you read one, you move on to the next. This effect wouldn't be possible if the paragraphs were more spaced out. +1, nice work