Crit request: The Yeartrip of Glenous Daily

Summary:

uhoh, another piece.

Crit request: The Yeartrip of Glenous Daily

NotAnOligarch 28 Nov 2021 18:56

Look at that, I made another one. This one isn't quite finished. I still have some ironing out to do, but I though I'd present it to you all for review.

If you wanna check it out, it's the last tab on my Sandbox. Ignore the otherwise deplorable state of said sandbox. I have more unfinished stories than not.

what I'm looking for:

• Is it boring?
• Is there enough emotion?
• Did I mess up with the word tenses?
• This story was originally in third person, but I shifted it over to first. Was that a good idea?
• Should these tales remain as one page, or separated into multiple?

Spoilers below! Explanations/writing process.

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I started this little tale off with the last part of the story. You may have noticed that the tab titled Cinerary is the same as the final part of the Yeartrip. I was debating whether to keep Cinerary a standalone or not. To play with some ideas, I started writing the rest of the Yeartrip. I'm still debating that topic though. I'm not as happy with the Yeartrip as I am with Cinerary. I'm welcome to advice on this especially. Another thing: I chose to end Cinerary on such a dour note, and I'm not sure if it was right. I wanted to be subversive, and to break the "guy goes on quest and finds his dead family and swears revenge just to later spare the villain because revenge is bad" cliché, but I'm not sure that was the best way to do it. We never even see the villain, infact. The villain, Niðhöggr, and his followers are supposed to be the ancient precursors to the Serpent's Hand. I'm not sure how well that fits into the cannon of the SCP universe, but my (admittedly light) reading into the Hand seemed open to an origin. And that's it, I suppose. A magician never reveals too many of his secrets.

Anyways, have a great day, felllow Wanderer.
-Oli

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Fires rage just below the surface of the ice.