The Viewer

Summary:

A member of the Serpents Hand is tasked with watching events play out but decides to play a practical Joke.

The Viewer

Dr_Danny_Chester 29 Nov 2021 14:44

http://wanderers-sandbox.wikidot.com/dr-sinder

This is my writing and I want to know what needs to be fixed changed or if this idea doesn't work at all

Re: The Viewer

dr nepalwala 29 Nov 2021 16:30

Hello, so I am not quite a good crit (hell, I am a bit novice myself), so take it with a pinch of salt.

First, in-universe, I don't think any serpent hand member would even interfere with the foundation's work without any strong reason, considering doing this prank will give the foundation a good reason to later mess with them.

Next, the transition is not smooth. Please use horizontal lines, and finally, I guess it is better you call 173 by its name 'the sculpture', which helps to give that WL look.

This piece can be better, just give a good reason why they had to resort to such prank, other than to teach foundation a lesson.

Last edited on 29 Nov 2021 16:32 by dr nepalwala Show more

Re: The Viewer

Dr_Danny_Chester 29 Nov 2021 17:03

ok, thanks, I probably shouldn't have used the word prank ( it was just the first word that came to mind) but I shall edit it and change that (as well as the 173 stuff). Thx!