I am finding it hard to contain myself. I very much want to type something like "HELL YES" or "HOLY FUCK THAT WAS GOOD" or somesuch.
If it wasn't obvious from that boisterous introduction, I very much liked this story. I don't personally believe that flow is your problem. I was able to read the story multiple times through, with my attention aptly held throughout each read. And in each read, I found new little details I had not observed before. Word choice, characters, grammar, story, is all perfect. Maybe it's my high appreciation for the Vitalis LLC volume in general, but I could find no errors. Then again, I've never been the best proofreader.
All in all, I really, really like this story, and would love to see it in the cannon. Well done.
