Crit Request: The Cost of Living (Again)

Summary:

A fleshed out draft for the 1000 contest

Crit Request: The Cost of Living (Again)

Egileye 21 Jan 2022 20:14

http://wanderers-sandbox.wikidot.com/egil (6342 words)

Is it too long? Do the different 'chapters' connect together well enough? Does the overall story fit the theme of the contest?

Answers to these questions and any observations/critiques would be appreciated.

Note: I am terrible when it comes to active vs passive voice, so if you see too much passive, please let me know!

Re: Crit Request: The Cost of Living (Again)

NotAnOligarch 21 Jan 2022 21:20

Loved this one. Only slight problems left to iron out, really, everything else works. Word choice could be improved in some areas, but I'm about the worst person to help with that. Making the characters a little more real couldn't hurt either. Obviously, because I don't know the characters as well as you do, I can't really help with that either.

I really hope this does get posted eventually, as it sort of tied in Vitalis to the Wing One Contest. I've been recently wondering: "If there's an Afterlife like Vitalis, how is there also a Cycle of Samsara.

Well, that's my incredibly unhelpful critique and encouragement! Loved the read.

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Fires rage just below the surface of the ice.

Last edited on 21 Jan 2022 21:23 by NotAnOligarch Show more

Re: Crit Request: The Cost of Living (Again)

Egileye 21 Jan 2022 23:20

Your criticism is very helpful! Thank you for your kind words and attention to detail. I will definitely read over the draft multiple times for word choice and consider areas where a bit more character development could be done.