Til Death do us part. / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page Til Death do us part..

Author Post

Doctor Pann 25 Feb 2022 03:25

For the few people who read discussion posts before the article, I'll put a mild TW for a lot of death and mild gore. Four children also die in this story, though the deaths aren't graphic. So, if that kind of stuff is a problem for you, please feel free to skip this one.

Hiya folks, it's your friendly neighborhood cephalopod-headed Frank here! This is my 1kcon entry if that wasn't obvious. Weirdly enough, I think this might be the first time I successfully posted to a contest with my own work? I contributed to a collaborative page once, but… eh whatever. So, I hope you enjoy this thing, I had a good time writing it.

Big ol' thank you to destinysday for reviewing my long-ass thing… TWICE! Also thank you for helping me pick a title.

Edit:

Holy cannoli! I forgot to credit my images! They are all below. The first image was of my own creation, so hand reveal I suppose. Uhhhh, yeah, my bad, won't happen again. :] All are public domain.

Blueprint - Openverse (wordpress.org) - 012uPWaxF5vf (1200×692) (dimu.org)

Trench - Australian soldiers in trenches at Gallipoli, 1915 | Flickr - https://imgur.com/a/o42VzwX

Ring - Openverse (wordpress.org) - https://imgur.com/a/Y8Hu9ZG

Sled - Togo (dog) - Wikipedia - https://imgur.com/a/lgVtQae

Parade - Boys Brigade parade through Toll Gavel,Beverley c.1900s (a… | Flickr - https://imgur.com/a/EH1V1XZ

Forest - Forest B&W | Because fusaka suggested it. Colour | Kim Siever | Flickr - https://imgur.com/a/eyvLqGH

Last edited on 02 Mar 2022 04:13 by Doctor Pann Show more

Re: Author Post

destinysday 25 Feb 2022 04:10

Happy to help! It's good to see the final product finally posted. Glad to see more people posting for the 1k contest. And this absolute monster of a story is another great addition to the list

LAN 2D 25 Feb 2022 11:06

Very much enjoyed this story. Despite the length, I found myself engaged the whole time. This is definitely one of my favourite entries so far, amazing job!

Maxyfran73 08 Mar 2022 00:31

I apologize, but through the entire piece, I could only think 'Wait, if the guy takes the ring, how does it end up in someone else's hand again?' In the end, I think it's somewhat explained, but that did crack the suspension bridge of my disbelief a tad bit XD

Regardless, I really liked this piece, and how such a simple evil act kickstarted the end of humanity at the hands of Death itself. A good snowball that never stops being interesting despite its length. Good stuff.

+1~

Rounderhouse 16 Mar 2022 02:05

Good stuff. I don't have a massive amount to say about this one, despite the pretty large length of it. The language is clean and engaging — despite the length, I never felt bored or lost, though I do feel like you could've afforded to cut…. maybe a solid quarter of this without any real loss to the story, particularly in the middle section. Your dialogue could also use shoring up - it feels stiff, wooden. Not how real people talk, but that's something that comes with practice. But in terms of what I did enjoy — the plot as a whole was fun and grounded, and the switching viewpoints through the story helped keep it fresh and engaging. It's good stuff.

Snapdragon133 18 Mar 2022 04:08

I love stories that are structured like this, so once I realized what was happening I was sure I was going to enjoy it. This story I especially enjoyed for it’s morally questionable end, which still felt satisfying. My favorite scene has gotta be the automaton attack, it was cool.

I do have one line that specifically stuck out as reading weird:

Please, old friend whom I meet for the first time, end our cycle of torment."

The “old friend whom I meet for the first time” thing weirds me out, it led very wordy for something referring to another person.

Also, as Maxy pointed out, it was unsure how the ring made it to each person, so it was my interpretation that a random ring just gained the qualities of the first ring. Maybe to clarify that confusion you could add a line mentioning Death’s pockets being full of rings. Just a suggestion tho!