It's the second time I've read this piece. Should have left a review the first time.
The layout, the picture, and the overall execution of the text are good. It's straight to the point, consistent, and not too long for what it wants to do. Though, what exactly it wants to do, is a bit of a mystery. I did have trouble fully understanding what is going on. Sure, the protagonist is ill, then there is a time skip, and overall, the protagonist is not very happy with their life. But why that is, is beyond me.
However…
In this particular case, I actually like that somewhat.
The themes of depression, lack of energy, and exhaustion along with claustrophobia are strong. So strong and well-executed, that they almost support the story on their own. I don't know why these things are happening, but I get to understand the impact it has on the protagonist very well. It begs the question of whether the background information is important in the first place. And also, whether I - as an outsider to inner thoughts laid bare without speech still - am supposed to understand everything, given the theme of isolation that is also present. Perhaps, this works so well because there is no context, so the themes can breathe and take up the space.
I admit, I did wonder whether the protagonist would be alive at the end of the story. Thankfully, they were. There's some good prose in there too, a smooth time jump for example, via the similar topics of wanting to skip school/work.
It is all in all a bit shaky, which makes focusing on the lines hard sometimes, but it works. You knew what you were writing about for sure.
All the best
- Nylo
